December 20, 2024

Explore Sonic The Hedgehog’s Jealousy And Vengeance as Zacky Reads Hedgehog Reads ‘Mr. Boop’ Vols. 1 & 2

Zachary Jenkins011 mins

The algorithm on Instagram serves me two things: Beautiful, busty women and Sonic the Hedgehog content. 

This is not a gag, this is my very real, highly curated, Instagram Explore tab

I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want to be this person, but none of us gets to choose our fate. I’ve tried to fill this void with the IDW Sonic The Hedgehog series, but it is far too chaste and puritanical for me. I need a Sonic comic for adults, a comic that is willing to address issues like erectile dysfunction, the life of a wife guy and proper orgy etiquette. If Sega isn’t willing to fill these needs in my life, I understand, but the need still needs filled. Thusly, I had to search the dark web for the content that would make me feel truly alive. 

I had to find Mr. Boop.

Mr. Boop is the daily autobiographical tale of cartoonist and Subway employee Alec Robbins as he explores his marriage to fictional animation icon Betty Boop. Much like film auteur Zack Snyder, Robbins respects his audience enough not to hold back the raw, gritty, adult content that real mature grown-ups love. In the first volume, “My Wife Betty Boop,” Robbins takes readers on a journey into his own insecurities about his beautiful wife Betty Boop and his fear that he will ask for a divorce, even though he doesn’t want one. He goes so far as to provide his lawyer explicit instructions to shoot him with a gun if he ever asks for a divorce. It’s relatable in a way that Sonic The Hedgehog could only dream of.

While Alec and his wife Betty Boop have a strong relationship based on mutual respect and open communication, it is complicated by the introduction of his fellow sandwich artist, Bugs Bunny. Bugs is envious of Alec’s wife Betty Boop. The wascally wabbit, ever the spanner in the works, has Alec paranoid that Bugs is trying to murder him so he can be with Betty. Bugs is determined, Boop confused, and Alec small and unable to defend himself. The hopelessness of the situation is palpable; it feels as if there is no way to end in any way except Alec bleeding out in his wife Betty Boop’s arms.

Enter Sonic The Hedgehog.

Sonic, in this universe, is a humble man. He owns a bar, gives good advice and has an insatiable sexual appetite. Unlike the carefree character Ian Flynn writes in the IDW series we have previously focused on, this Hedgehog has wants, desires and needs. As opposed to the unfiltered action hero who defended Angel Island from Super Neo Metal Sonic, this Sonic provides sage advice to Alec. He speaks as a weary man who has not let the world break him. He’s been in Alec’s shoes, maybe even seen this situation before. He gives Alec the best advice to fix the situation, inviting Bugs Bunny to a three-way with Alec and his wife Betty Boop.

This works, almost too well. This sexual experience unlocks something within Alec and his wife Betty Boop and they begin to experiment more and more. Starting with Bugs and Alec’s other co-worker, Peter Griffin, it climaxes in an orgy with Goku, Fred Flintstone, girl-form Ranma, Jessica Rabbit and Gardevoir from Gen3 of Pokemon. Their marriage has been saved, their desires sated, and they commit to monogamy, at least for a short while.

But for Sonic, this is an insult. It was his idea in the first place. How could he not get invited to the orgy? He too wanted to have sex with Betty Boop. Who wouldn’t? The determined problem solver he is, Sonic takes matters into his own hands. He shares a counterfeit note to Alec’s lawyer, asking for a divorce. Remembering his orders from earlier, the lawyer confronts Alec, gun in hand, but the Boops are able to talk him down. Everything is fine. Everyone is happy.

Looking on through the scope of his sniper rifle, the Blue Blur is furious. Overcome by rage, he draws a bead on Alec. Five pounds of pressure from his index finger embraces the trigger’s cold steel. A crack, like thunder, shatters the peaceful afternoon. In his wife Betty Boop’s arms, Alec Robbins bleeds out.

We enter Book 2, “God Is a Woman, and She’s My Wife,” as Alec enters the hyper-sexual realm of the abstract. His heaven is living inside the womb of his wife Betty Boop, who is a multi-armed, three-eyed, angel, while Alec is pregnant with his love for her. His hell? Living in a world where he isn’t married to his wife Betty Boop. Sonic is his Satan, his tormentor who gaslights him into believing he could never be married to his wife Betty Boop before revealing his demonic form.

It’s Alec’s love for his wife Betty Boop that overcomes Sonic’s hate. He awakens to see his beatuiful wife Betty Boop and seeks to resolve things with Sonic, after, of course, having a massive amount of sex with his wife while dressed as a Sailor Scout. For his attempted murder, Sonic was sent to prison, where he comes to terms with his murderous tendencies. He breaks out of prison to apologize to Alec while Alec asks the prison to release him. They consummate their newfound respect for each other the only way they know how, in group sex with Bugs Bunny. A truly beautiful message of love winning over hate.

In two volumes, and a low page count, Robbins finds a way to add depth to Sonic in a way that IDW is too cowardly to do. The character is nearly 30 years old, but Sega still treats him like a child. He has no wants, no needs, he just wants to go fast. Why can’t the official Sonic be for grown-ups like me? Why can’t Flynn create a Sonic that pulls more from the underground Comix movement of the ’80s than Mickey Mouse? Don’t sexually frustrated and potentially violent fans like us need, nay, deserve a Sonic who represents us? Until the team behind Sonic understands our dark desires, we will have to fulfill our needs with underground art like Mr. Boop.

Zachary Jenkins

Zachary Jenkins co-hosts the podcast Battle of the Atom and is the former editor-in-chief of ComicsXF. Shocking everyone, he has a full and vibrant life outside all this.

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