I have tweeted many dumb thoughts in my life but no dumber tweet (aside from a meme about bullying the president-elect) has gotten as much traction and #engagement as me saying that everyone’s favorite Wolverine, Laura Kinney deserves sillier hair.
Hot Take: Laura Kinney’s hair should be 100% dumber than it is. How are you Logan’s clone and just have boring medium length hair??
— Ken (@disasterlaster) January 13, 2021
As the daughter of James Howlett aka Logan aka Patch, Laura’s familial resemblance to her papá has only been shown in terms of powers and height. And look I’m no Gregor Mendel but Logan is too much of a weird looking dude to not just wreck that punnett square with hair alone. Which is why I come to you today with my suggestions for just how the genetic predisposition for wackadoo hair can manifest itself in an All New, All Different hairstyle for Laura Kinney.
The Feral
Now this one is definitely the low hanging fruit and the most literal translation of “Daughter of Logan”. And there’s a good reason why it’s the first thought. It’s distinctive and iconic. There’s no way Laura would blend into the page rocking this thing. It also deserves points because it is in fact a mullet which I would like to make a strong case for being the realm we need to look for the True Laura Hair.
Despite all of these strengths, the biggest drawback is that it’s been done to death before. I can’t even in good conscience call this look the “Feral” because just so many animal based characters rock some variation of this hair-do. This look was essentially the 90s shorthand for “A Wolverine-Type” and even before Logan took off his mask to reveal the weirdest hat hair ever, the “Feral” had its roots in Dave Cockrum’s redesign for the Legion of Superhero’s wolfboy Timber Wolf and before then roots in Eddie Munster. And honestly…do we really want to tie everyone’s favorite Wolverine to that little weirdo?
The Quitely
One of my favorite depictions of Logan’s dumb dumb haircut was Frank Quitely’s take on it in New X-Men. It is both the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen and also makes so much sense. It’s mostly slicked back with a couple of little strands sticking up on each side hinting at that iconic silhouette. It’s subtle, textured and an excellent candidate for Laura’s new cut.
The closest canon cousin to this look is Laura’s Age of X-Man look, which is coincidentally the peak of her hair journey so far. While it is a mohawk (an objectively different haircut) it does prove that Laura’s head can take the weight of having less hair. Which is why the Quietly may be a good fit. There are still drawbacks however. Undercuts (as I’ve drawn this haircut)…well let’s be honest, they’re on the way out! A number of very cool undercut based hair designs from the mid 2010s are feeling a bit long in the tooth as we get further in this new decade. There’s also the issue of the little weird hair strands. You know what family has inexplicable hair strands? Magneto and his on and off offspring Quicksilver (currently off). Ugh imagine Laura and Magneto showing up with the same look at the Green Lagoon…talk about AWKWARD!
The Battle of The Mullets
The Holy Grail.
I think that Laura Kinney’s hair, when she emerges from The Vault, should be a mullet. Mullet’s are back and they are back in a big way among very cool women, a category which includes Laura Kinney aka Wolverine. The mullet has been around in comics for awhile but in the 80s and 90s before I was born so it doesn’t count. But Laura Kinney would be entering a long legacy of comics mullets and be leading the charge on this resurgence in the medium.
But why a mullet now? They look great and can easily be maintained by someone with knives in her hands. They are for sure a really contemporary look and not one popping at all in designs, which would make an unmasked Laura stand out on a page of brunette white women. I would like to vouch for the shag mullet specifically because of one thing. With a little artistic interpretation, the little side fringe gives an opportunity to draw those little weird hair strands of the Quitely style and Magneto can’t say shit!
Now the obvious drawback is that this is a very 2021 hairstyle which may age horribly in as much as a year, but it’s something! There are many issues in a lot of Big 2 comics but like maybe 18th or 26th on the list is the lack of fashion! Artists have drawn people in cargo shorts consistently for 20 years and that in itself is a crime. In the 60s Jack Kirby dedicated a not insignificant time in the pages in Fantastic Four to Sue Storm’s new hair and we need that energy back! We need a four-issue miniseries on Laura’s mullet, and we need it now!
I don’t know what the production pipeline is looking like right now in terms of what’s been drawn but the return of Laura and friends from the Vault has been teased in Reign of X promos. They’ve been in there for maybe hundreds of thousands of years and that is ample time for Laura to try out any one of these fresh looks. Just throw some gray streaks in there to show that some time has passed and we got a hairy stew going, baby!
Kenneth Laster is a critic, cartoonist, and cryptid with a movie degree.
