Let’s discover the fate of this team of mostly-lovable misfits in Hellions #18, from Zeb Wells, Zé Carlos, Stephen Segovia, Rain Beredo, and Ariana Maher

Liz Large: This is it. The finale of Hellions. This series has been building to this moment since last March. I’m overwhelmed!

Austin Gorton: So. Many. FEELINGS. We’ll get into the nitty gritty of it all (including some things that didn’t quite work for me), but as much as I continue to lament the end, Hellions #18 is a deeply satisfying emotional conclusion. It manages to feel uplifting even as it answers the question at the heart of its premise in an achingly sad manner. We’ll likely never know if this was always intended to be the stopping point of the series, but regardless, it goes out with a bang. 

Liz: I agree. Do I wish I was going to read another 50-100 issues of this team (both creative and superhero)? Absolutely. I’m not disappointed by where we’ve ended up, and I’m happy we got what we did. Should we get into it?

Austin: Let’s cape up and get to it!

Your Nanny Is Here

Liz: We open on a meeting of the Quiet Council, gathered to stand in judgement of Orphan Maker and the rest of the Hellions. In this scenario, there’s really only two ways to play the defense: Orphan Maker is a child, or at least childlike, and isn’t fully responsible for his actions. Nightcrawler believes there’s some wiggle room when it comes to the culpability here. On the other hand, Greycrow and I don’t actually think Orphan Maker’s actions were bad. I guess Kurt’s defense is going to have a slightly better shot. 

Austin: I love how the series has brought us full circle. Issue #1 opened with a mutant attacking humans, and it led to the question that has been at the heart of the series: how do the more morally gray mutants fit into Krakoan society? Now, we once again have a mutant on trial for killing humans. The whole notion of the Hellions, the answer of what to do with the minor baddies is on trial as well. Given this is the final issue of the series things don’t go well for our now lovable band of misfits.

As the only member of the council to speak pointedly in the Hellions’ defense, Nightcrawler’s speech is appreciated. It ties in nicely with all the quotes from him peppered throughout the series, which now read a bit like his notes for the defense. I was wondering, did it bother you that no one else on the council seemed to make much of an attempt to back him up?

Liz: Absolutely. There’s multiple murderers on the Council: Magneto, Mystique, Shadowcat,  and it’s weird that not a single one of them considers an option beyond, “sure, put this person who is clearly not fully understanding his actions in a pit forever, with only Sabretooth for company”. My expectations of Charles Xavier are on the fucking floor. Emma has compromised herself a lot lately and Sinister is Sinistering all over the place! And Storm? Not a word! I’m disappointed in all of them. 

To be clear, I don’t think this is necessarily bad or out of character writing. They all have other priorities, and just can’t bring themselves to care about Orphan Maker, who some of them have fought in the past and nobody really likes. It’s realistic, at least.

Austin: Storm’s silence really stuck out to me, as well, though her leading the charge to give Psylocke another shot at Sinister was great. Sinister looms large over the whole trial. While he may not have broken one of the hyper specific, nuance-free laws, he’s done worse things than any other Hellions. The last few issues have made it clear Emma is on to him, and later in this issue, other elements of the council recognize him as a threat, so that’s a plotline getting possibly punted to another series. For now, Sinister’s status as a player in the ruling government grants him relative clemency, while his underlings take the fall. Which, as you said, is at least realistic, sadly.

Liz: One intriguing component of Hellions #18 to me is that Magneto says that Orphan Maker was found guilty of murdering two innocent humans. I maintain that anyone essentially guarding a Right compound isn’t innocent. They also pulled guns on Orphan Maker first but okay. This was interesting phrasing. We saw Magneto kill several members of the Right last issue, does he not want to go on record convicting someone for killing anti-mutant humans? Or is it more a case of murdering one human being is enough, so why pretend to care about the others? 

What did you think of the interactions between the X-Men and the Hellions from the flashback? I will once again say how much I love the unity between the Hellions, and how willing they are to protect Orphan Maker, even if it means punching Cyclops in the face.

Austin: I mean, let’s be honest, punching Cyclops in the face is just a fringe benefit. If the Quiet Council is the corrupt judiciary of Krakoa, then the X-Men are its executive arm here, which isn’t a great look for the X-Men, but hey, this isn’t their book! Psylocke’s repeated efforts to get some small assurance that the absolute worst won’t be happening to their teammate is heartbreaking. The way the team backs one another up is similarly emotional. Empath as the means to bring the Hellions to heal is both a clever payoff to him being left behind last issue, and furthers his position as Emma’s inside man. 

The conclusion of the trial isn’t ever really in doubt. But this series, which has elevated a weird Humpty Dumpty armor-wearing egg lady who speaks in nursery rhymes to a goddamn icon, has one last fist-pumping Nanny moment up its sleeve. 

Liz: I shrieked. Nanny was dead last issue. She and Orphan Maker had been having some tough times before she died. Honestly, she was being just awful to him. Alas, here she is! Her resurrection was prioritized so she could be punished for bringing AI to Krakoa. She calls the trial horseshit and demands to be sent to the pit with her boy. The Council’s reluctance is met with a stone cold promise: if it takes murdering humans to reunite Nanny with Orphan Maker, she will SAIL ON OCEANS OF BLOOD TO DO IT. She caps this off with a more targeted threat: is Kate’s (human) mom still living at her old address? Truly, I feel chills. This is what happens when you back people into a corner and they have nothing to lose.

It’s also a beautiful moment between Nanny and Orphan Maker. She doesn’t even remember the specifics of what happened, due to her death and resurrection, but she has no hesitation before jumping in to be there for him. 

Austin: I know it’s mostly just there to justify the plot point of Nanny being around to (heartbreakingly) go into the pit with her boy, but the fact that Nanny’s resurrection was prioritized just so they could punish her sooner is magnificent dickery. Like, how about dropping her to the end of the queue and that’s her punishment? No, the council needs her to KNOW she’s being punished. 

I’m glad the series gave Nanny one last moment in the spotlight, and hopefully her and Orphan Maker’s exile is set up for their involvement in whatever Victor Lavelle is going to do in his Sabretooth series, or elsewhere. Her impassioned reunion with Orphan Maker is a great exclamation point to their role in the book. Her closing rhyme as they descend into the Pit is just classic Nanny sweet-creepy. 

Maybe They Don’t Build Homes For People Like Us

Austin: With the trial concluded, all that’s left now is for the rest of the Hellions to figure out what’s left for them on Krakoa. The answer is not great. 

Liz: Let’s start with our most not great Hellion, Empath. He’s the hardest to love member of this team, but I’ll give him this: I think he’s actually shown some growth. While he’s been a little shit to his teammates lately, he was at least partially acting under Emma’s instructions.The divided loyalty between a team that doesn’t really like him and a member of the Council is understandable. In the end, he is stuck reenacting the ending of The Graduate, as we see him doing what he expects to make him happy but not actually achieving happiness. Which, considering that what used to make him happy is manipulating people’s minds, is a good thing!  

Austin: Empath remains The Worst, but that he comes out of this series slightly less worse is an achievement. After Empath, we see Wild Child meeting with Cecilia Reyes and taking pills intended to suppress his more animalistic tendencies. This seems on the surface like a victory for Wild Child, but given the way the series initially positioned its characters’ violent urges as a result of their powers, it’s as sad a defeat for him as what Empath is experiencing. The Hellions were meant to give someone like Wild Child a place on Krakoa that still allowed them to be themselves; now that the endeavor has failed, the only way Wild Child can fit in is to suppress who he is via drugs. In fact, the only Hellion who comes out a winner in all this is Havok, who gets what he has been pining for since issue #4: the return of Madelyne Pryor! 

Liz: This single page did a really great job of showing why Madelyne is probably going to light some Summerses on fire soon. Alex is so excited to finally have Madelyne back, after everything he’s been through, to finally get his reward. It’s just so slimy! Alex greets her with a hug. He makes sure she knows that she’s been brought back because of his campaigning and work. She literally owes her life and existence to him. When she’s understandably freaked out by this lack of agency in her own life, he acts shocked that she would even think negatively about this. Madelyne’s able to manipulate him easily with an apology and a hair twirl. It is so transparently a front. Alex is either the dumbest man on the planet or a top tier manipulator, and well, I think we all know he isn’t the smart brother. I hope she gets a demon to eat him when she inevitably becomes the Goblin Queen again.

You know who I hope stays safe? Greycrow and Psylocke.

Austin: The moment when Maddie was revealed, rocking her green pre-Inferno flight suit, brought me so much joy. When she snapped at Alex for insisting she’s back because of him was icing on the cake. What a ding-dong. I can’t wait for whatever comes next for Maddie. I hope it involves plenty of righteous fury. 

But yes, Greycrow and Psylocke. Would anyone have guessed in a million guesses that these two would become the emotional heart of the series? I almost kind of hope we never see them again. Quietly sharing a sunset on the beach seems like the perfect place to leave them forever. Especially given Greycrow’s hints he’s leaving Krakoa, the culmination of what the entire issue has been building towards. If Hellions the series set out to ask “how do these villains fit into Krakoan society?”, then the answer we’ve arrived at in this issue is that they don’t.

Liz: Their relationship is beautiful. They both are able to see beyond the surface level presentation each of them gives off. It is something so many of the characters in this book are incapable of doing. Let Greycrow go start a restaurant somewhere and they can send Wild Child and Havok postcards. I want to see who they can be when the most terrible things are not consistently happening to them.

Emma and Magneto have a final, sunlit meeting as well. I usually love watching Emma chew scenery after having a successful scheme, but after the events of this issue, I just feel gross. Mister Sinister is a cancer on Krakoa.They allow him to continue his cruel and harmful work because he’s useful. I didn’t buy into this great-man-theory-bullshit at the start of this series and I don’t now. They need to get rid of him, an individual who does harm because they enjoy it. It’d be more useful than imprisoning or driving away people who do harm but want to do better. 

Austin: Absolutely agree. The Emma and Magneto scene reads the most like something added on to cover for an abrupt series ending. Sinister’s comeuppance has really only started. The reveal over the previous few issues that Emma, at least, is wise to his machinations seemed to be setting up an arc that would culminate in Sinister’s fall from grace. This scene seems like Zeb Wells is saying “I had plans to address this, but ran out of time. Don’t worry though, everyone is aware it’s a thing and it’ll get picked up somewhere else”. 

Maybe I’m wrong about that and this was always the endpoint for Sinister that Wells had in mind. It certainly does make an effective thematic counterpoint to Nanny and Orphan Maker’s fate. Still, it reads more like an abrupt wrap-up than anything else in the issue. 

Liz: This week, Marvel announced a few new X-titles to launch in 2022. I guess all I can do is hope it gets picked up in one of them. Fingers crossed!

Into the Sunset

Liz: We got eighteen issues of Hellions and it was truly a wild ride from start to finish. There wasn’t a single issue I didn’t enjoy the hell out of. I think that the series really kept the delicate balance between hilarity and exposing some deeply wrong aspects of Krakoa, an impressive feat! Even in an issue like this finale, where I’m furious at several beloved characters for their actions, I also get to laugh at the moment where Havok declines Greycrow’s apology for punching his brother because “he kind of has that face”. 

Austin: The issue-to-issue batting average of this series is a truly impressive feat, as is the way it consistently balances some horrific happenings with a heaping helping of humor. This issue alone has several moments where dark and tragic events are punctuated by genuine laughs, and it’s emblematic of the series’ strengths.

Your comment above speaks to one of my concerns with Hellions #18 a series finale, though. For as much as it manages to deliver a satisfying emotional payoff, and as much as I appreciate the way it answers the central question of the series, this issue largely punts on most of the book’s outstanding plotting. 

We talked in last issue’s discussion about the Chekhov’s Gun that is Orphan Maker’s powers finally firing, yet here we are with that going nowhere and with no additional knowledge of his abilities. Is knowing the details of Orphan Maker’s mutant power terribly important in the grand scheme of things? Of course not. But it is emblematic of the various plotlines set up over the course of the series and now left dangling. Will these plot threads be further pulled or tied off in other places? Likely, at least for some of them. But also, perhaps, not. Such is the nature of ongoing serialized narratives in a shared universe. For as much as Wells manages to bring the characters to a satisfying conclusion, it’s hard not to feel like this ending is giving the plot short shrift. 

Ultimately, I’m quibbling. It is the characters and their interactions that made this series so enjoyable and that continues right up to the poignant end. What drew me to the book initially was the question of how former villains fit into the Krakoa status quo, and the series answered that question. So it’s hard to complain too much. 

Liz: I do see your point. When it comes to the potential payoff of some of these plot points we really don’t have a guarantee. Am I putting on clown makeup by trusting plot points are going to get picked up elsewhere? Yeah. Still, I can live with Orphan Maker’s powerup being ignored or left to be picked up in a very long time. I think that for me, the character development is what I really hope sticks.

As someone who’s read X-books for entirely too long, I have a definite bias towards focusing on characters that I already know and like. This book was the first time I read a series where I really started off being neutral or disliking every single main character. I mean, a guy who participated in the Mutant Massacre as the romantic lead? Those weird, parent-murdering villians from the 80s? Yet somehow this grab bag team worked so well. Every character’s voice felt unique and their decisions seemed to align with that. And not just in a default quippy comedy for comedy’s sake kind of way. The interplay between them is written so well that it can stand up to crossover events! 

Honestly, at this point I want to read Zeb Wells’ take on every character I hate and see if I do a full 180, because this is madness. I care about Empath’s character development! Why would this book do this to me?!

Austin: I’ll say this, if after this issue these characters slip once more into limbo and are forgotten for an extended period of time, it will be the true tragedy of its relatively short run. For a series to make us care so strongly about a Greycrow, a Wild Child, and an Empath (even a little bit) is one hell of an achievement.   

Liz: No matter what, we’ll always have eighteen issues of Nanny being her delightful, creepy self.

[editors note: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5DOGsoiW6c]

X-Traneous Thoughts

• Krakoan reads: ???
• Alex and Lorna casually saying hi to each other during the Hellions/X-Men fight was a cute acknowledgement of their history together. 
• I love that the Kurt quotes we’ve been getting in this book are just…Kurt quoting himself. 
• Madelyne and Alex’s reunion takes place in some sort of hall of mirrors, it is some horror movie nonsense and I love it (can Krakoa just…make these kinds of settings? Seems like someone should get flagged whenever a resident requests a “suitable backdrop for creepy murders” locale).
• Xavier says that Peter has had “the body and mind of a man since Arakko”, and if this series was going to continue I’d be here speculating that Xavier is pushing this conviction to hopefully better contain Orphan Maker’s extra dangerous powers in the Pit. 

Austin Gorton

Austin Gorton also reviews older issues of X-Men at the Real Gentlemen of Leisure website, co-hosts the A Very Special episode podcast, and likes Star Wars. He lives outside Minneapolis, where sometimes, it is not cold. Follow him on Twitter @AustinGorton

Liz Large

Liz Large is a copywriter with a lot of opinions on mutants.