Anticipation has been building for the long-delayed film adaptation of everybody’s favorite Roy Thomas/Gil Kane creation, Morbius the Living Vampire, and it’s finally here! Fresh off his Oscar-winning but unrecognizable performance as Paolo Gucci, the pigeon trainer with a talent for garish marker art [Fact check: Leto was not nominated for an Oscar this year], Jared Leto returns to the silver screen as a man so determined to live in the face of terminal illness, he becomes a freaky vampire guy and … does stuff!
But let’s cut straight to why you’re here. You don’t need a plot recap. You could care less about what happens in this movie. You want the juicy deets on what happens once the movie is over and the credits start rolling, and then they stop, and there’s a scene, and then they start again, but then they stop and there’s another scene, and then they start again and well, you get the point. It’s everyone’s new favorite part of the movie where we want to go pee but we have to stay so we know how this movie will tie into the next seven. And Morbius does not disappoint! Let’s dive head-first into all FIVE (Yes, I said five. Is that a record?) amazing, stunning, never-before-seen or heard-of post-credit stingers and see what might be up next for Dr. Michael Morbius and the Spider-Verse!
Post-Credits Scene #1
This one happens just after the title card. You barely have to wait at all! Morbius walks down a dark, wet street to the local corner drug store. He needs some toothpaste for his vampire teeth. We see him stalk the aisles with a hoodie over his head. He can’t decide whether he wants Colgate, Crest or maybe something all-natural like Tom’s. As he ruminates, there’s a commotion at the register. A thug in a ski mask is robbing the store! What perfect timing: Morbius can stop a crime and have a person-snack, preserving his anti-hero, badass status. He reaches for the criminal only to notice a small black dot of goo drop onto his vampire-guy hand and the screen cuts to black. THAT’S RIGHT! IT’S VENOM. VENOM IS IN THE CONVENIENCE STORE. IT’S THE SAME STORE FROM VENOM AND VENOM: LET THERE BE CARNAGE. VENOM AND MORBIUS BOTH SHOP AT THE SAME STORE. THIS IS CRAZY. Now, we don’t get to see them compare toothpaste brands, but now we know Morbius takes place in the same universe as Venom, and that means … well it means Morbius takes place in the same universe as Venom, where there are no other superheroes or supervillains, but who cares? This is exciting!
Post-Credits Scene #2
We see a dimly lit cell in a prison. There’s a quick shot of the sink, and the words “Thanos wuz right” are scrawled next to the faucet. Suddenly, the wall starts glowing, but not the same way it glowed inside Venom’s hotel room at the end of Venom: Let There Be Carnage. It’s strangely much more like the Oscar-winning lightning from when the Flash enters the Speed Force in Justice League [Fact check: Because of new fan voting categories, both Zack Snyder’s Justice League and Army of the Dead are now listed as Academy Award winners on IMDb]. Amid the lightning, a portal opens up and SPIDER-MAN walks through. Spider-Man takes a minute to get his bearings before walking up to a mirror against the wall. He takes off his mask and it’s MICHAEL KEATON. THAT’S RIGHT! MICHAEL KEATON WHO PLAYED VULTURE IN SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING IS DRESSED AS SPIDER-MAN. He sits down on a bench and looks around. The camera closes in on his face as Keaton says, “I AM VENGEANCE.” Wait. That’s what The Batman says! But not Keaton Batman, Pattinson The Batman. THAT’S RIGHT! THE GUY IN SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING WAS ACTUALLY BATTINSON PLAYED BY MICHAEL KEATON WHO IS NOW DRESSED UP LIKE SPIDER-MAN AND HE’S IN THE SAME PRISON CELL AS CARNAGE WAS WHEN HE BECOMES CARNAGE! A small dot of red goo drops onto Keaton’s Spider-costume and the screen cuts to black. The words “CARNAGE IS VENGEANCE” appear in Papyrus font on the screen.
Post-Credits Scene #3
You do have to wait a bit for the third scene. But after the credits list the thousands of talented VFX artists who worked to bring Dr. Michael Morbius to life, we get an unexpected follow-up. See, a major subplot in the movie is Morbius’ pet cat Garfield (named after the famous Garfield the Cat from the comic strip by Jim Davis) trying to avoid his owner so Morbius doesn’t turn Garfield into a vampire. Garfield is able to escape Morbius’ clutches at least four times. The third post-credits scene starts with a wide shot of Morbius’ living room, and then the camera slowly zooms in underneath his couch. There we see Garfield, lurking, until he turns his head and the light catches his eyes and HIS EYES ARE RED. HE HAS VAMPIRE TEETH. THAT’S RIGHT! MORBIUS TURNED GARFIELD INTO A VAMPIRE. AND HE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE MORBIUS’ CAT ANYMORE! HE’S ORANGE WITH BLACK STRIPES! HE’S GARFIELD THE CAT NOT MORBIUS’ CAT WHO WAS NAMED AFTER GARFIELD THE CAT. While it’s unclear if this is the same cat or the actual Garfield the Cat from the Garfield and Friends universe, we can’t ignore the uncredited performance of the hiss Vampire Garfield gives as the credits roll on. Who is it? None other than former Amazing Spider-Man and Spider-Man: No Way Home star Andrew Garfield, who, while not an actual cat, is in real life named after Garfield the Cat from the comic strip by Jim Davis. And that’s not all. True Spider-heads know Andrew Garfield is just a stage name adopted by the actor when he was rejected for parts after repeatedly auditioning under his birth name: Andrew Michael Morbius. Which means that a Morbius by birth and a Garfield by choice is playing a Garfield vampire created by a fictional Morbius. It’s absolutely insane.
Post-Credits Scene #4
OK, so after the credits have finally finished, and the Sony logo has appeared and the house lights have gone up, DO NOT LEAVE THE THEATER. In a revolutionary move, there is one more post-credits scene that can only be seen if you wait a full 13 minutes while the theater employees clean up the spilled popcorn around you for the next showing. They might ask you to leave, but that’s just a trick! Do not move. Let them clean up your spilled Coke Zero from under your leg. Allow them time to pull up the Twizzlers stuck to the carpeted floor. If you are patient and remain completely still, a theater employee will roll out a small television on a rolling cart like the one you might have seen in school if you’re of the key millennial demographic. Underneath the TV on a lower shelf is a VCR. The employee will hold up and unwrap the super-exclusive fourth post-credit scene VHS tape and scan the room. Again, do not move a muscle. If the employee sees or senses movement, he will not play the tape and you will not be able to see the scene. I had to screen the movie twice last night to see this scene since my buddy Larry sneezed at the exact moment the VHS was going into the VCR. But Larry wouldn’t stay for the second screening, so you know what they say, “Second time’s the charm.” [Fact check: No one says that.] So what’s in the scene? Dr. Michael Morbius is driving down a country back road. He pushes play on his car stereo, and you can just barely hear the guitar riff of “Sweet Home Alabama” because he’s got the volume kind of low. The car stops at a stop sign, and the screen goes black. THAT’S RIGHT! DR. MICHAEL MORBIUS IS FROM ALABAMA AND HE FOLLOWS TRAFFIC SIGNAGE! AND HE KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE! A CAR! HE’S A VAMPIRE-GUY WHO CAN FLY BUT HE DRIVES A CAR! TO ALABAMA! WHERE HE LIVES APPARENTLY? AND PLAYS “SWEET HOME ALABAMA” BY LYNYRD SKYNYRD TO CELEBRATE STOPPING AT A STOP SIGN. A guy at the second screening was so excited by this reveal he vomited into his popcorn bucket. It was amazing.
Post-Credits Scene #5
After the theater has put the TV/VCR cart away, the staff will politely ask you to leave because they have to show the movie one more time before they close. And most of you will only pay for one ticket at a time, so this is your time to go. But — and this is a ComicsXF exclusive — that wasn’t the last post-credit scene. I know. Wild. They gave us the Venom drop. They gave us Battinson getting Carnaged. They gave us Garfield becoming vampire Garfield played by Andrew Garfield. They gave us Morbius’ home state celebration song. Any other superhero movie? This would be enough. But no, there is one more scene. To see it, you first have to head to the lobby of your theater. If your theater has a movie poster for Sing 2 (and I say if because I can’t speak to all theaters since Sing 2 was released in 2021, but there has to be something to show the children), reach up and around the top left corner of the frame against the wall. If you’re the only person who knows this trick, you will find a Kwikset key and a Pip the Troll keychain with a four-digit code written on the underside of Pip’s left foot. From my experience, maybe one person in each theater will get this key/keychain, and I was lucky enough to find it. How did I know it was there? Listen closely the next time you screen Morbius. You’ll notice the good doctor sings twice in the movie. Once in the lab scene, and once in the ham-and-cheese montage. In both scenes he lifts his arm and dabs, pointing to the top left corner of the screen. The code is very clear if you’re watching for it. By pulling the Pip the Troll keychain in half, you will reveal that it’s actually a USB storage device. Hopefully your car has a USB port, if not you may have to go home to grab a laptop for this next step. Luckily my car was new enough that it had a USB port. I plugged Pip in and my GPS popped up, except — get this — the voice was Jared Leto’s! Jared started to give me directions based on my location, and man, I am glad I got gas because I traveled 14 hours all the way from my home state of New Jersey to Alabama. And wouldn’t you know it? The second I crossed state lines, that little Pip the Troll USB started playing “Sweet Home Alabama” and the Jared Leto voice said, “Are you ready to uncover the secret of Dr. Michael Morbius?” I knew he couldn’t hear me, but I said “Yes!” very loudly. At this point I was running on pure caffeine and hadn’t slept in close to 30 hours. So I kept following Jared Leto’s driving instructions and finally I ended up at this farm off the side of the road and the Leto voice said, “Pull up to the barn.” So I pulled off the road and I got out of the car. It was eerily silent. At this point it was about midday and I figured somebody must have been around, so I shouted “Hello?” a few times, but nobody responded. But then I heard a rustling sound from the barn. It was a big barn, painted red but faded and there was a big wooden beam across the door, and as I got closer the rustling turned into a banging sound, like someone was slamming their body against the door and couldn’t get out. I said, “Hello?” real loud but couldn’t hear what the person was saying on the other side of the door. And the banging kept getting more and more intense, so I lifted the beam and the doors opened and THAT’S RIGHT! IT WAS JARED LETO! AND HE BOWED A LITTLE AND SAID “I’M DR. MICHAEL MORBIUS, AT YOUR SERVICE.” AND WE SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY SIGHTSEEING AND NOW JARED LETO IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND.
Y’know what? I don’t think any of you can see the fifth post-credit scene. It’s ALL MINE. HE’S ALL MINE! DR. JORDAN CATALANO MORBIUS IS MY BEST FRIEND! HE GAVE ME THE PIP THE TROLL USB! ME! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK! DON’T YOU TRY TO FIND ME! WE’RE NOT EVEN IN ALABAMA ANYMORE!
[Fact check: None of this happened.]
Adam Reck is the cartoonist behind Bish & Jubez as well as the co-host of Battle Of The Atom.
