Marvel Entertainment, LLC is a pop culture juggernaut. It dominates in key markets like cinema, streaming TV, articles about Easter Eggs in movies, and children’s birthday supplies (oddly enough? It does not dominate comics…). Those comics, however, have stretched pop culture past capes and into a whole world of stories that you can tell with a combination of words and pictures. Here at ComicsXF, we have taken a keen look at every theatrically released movie based on a franchise Marvel has published and ranked them from best to worst.
First off, our bottom ten
452: Howard The Duck
Everyone wanted George Lucas to follow up Star Wars with the counterculture energy of Howard The Duck. Instead we got plump duck breasts and more “laid an egg” jokes than we could ever imagine.
451: Morbius
There’s value in leading into a bad reputation, winking and letting your audience know you are in on the joke. Morbius would have done better to learn that sometimes when people are making fun of you, it’s because actually you are the one who is dumb and sucks.
450: Fant4stic
Marvel’s first family has been so historically unfilmable that a large sub-plot of Season 4 of Arrested Development was dedicated to making fun of it. That was before the cinematic abortion that is Fant4stic came out. Fiction can never be weirder than reality.
449: The Castle Of Fu Manchu
There’s no Ten Rings or secret cities in this story about Shang-Chi’s dad. Christopher Lee plays the poster child for “Yellow Peril” in a movie where Fu Manchu holds the world hostage by threatening to freeze the ocean. Dumb, racist, and poorly made, The Castle Of Fu Manchu is one Marvel movie you might want to leave out of your next marathon.
448: Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation Of Toxie
Troma Entertainment director Lloyd Kaufman accidentally filmed too much when making The Toxic Avenger Part II and did what any reasonable person would do, recut the extra footage into a loose parody of Martin Scorsese’s The Last Temptation Of Christ. The resulting Marvel movie, Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation Of Toxie had a half million dollar budget and couldn’t even make that back at the box office.
447: Transformers: The Last Knight
You want to know who is in Transformers: The Last Knight? Stanley Tucci, Anthony Hopkins, Gemma Chan, Ken Watanabe, John Goodman and Steve Buscemi. It’s about how King Arthur fought side by side with the Transformers and how Optimus Prime has the sword Excalibur now. Many Marvel movies are big and dumb but this one might be the biggest and dumbest.
446: AVP: Requiem
When these Marvel characters first faced each other in the crossover AVP the tagline was “Whoever wins, we lose”. AVP: Requiem keeps that promise.
445: Steel
Steel dares ask “What if Shaquille O’Neal and Ray J were in our big Marvel movie?” We have to give them credit for thinking outside the box but it turns out the box is sometimes a good thing.
444: The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas
Imagine going from Rick Moranis to Stephen Baldwin, the Baldwin brother who would then direct a Christian skateboarding movie that I did absolutely own. That’s a reality these Marvel characters had to live with when The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas came out and upset literally everyone.
443: Police Academy: Mission To Moscow
If there is one series known for having too many sequels it’s Police Academy. In the nadir for these Marvel characters, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow does a Cold War flick in 1994. Good for Christopher Lee for having two appearances in our bottom 10.
442-11: Just like, look, I’m not writing this many blurbs. You’re skipping the middle anyway. I know you well enough. Here’s that chunk.
10: Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse
For as many movies Marvel puts out, nearly none of them capture the beauty of comics. Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse is a beautiful exception that plays with fire without getting burned. So much of media wants to throw out the idea of the “multiverse” but Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse finds a way to tell an emotionally affecting and funny story in spite of it. The “What’s Up Danger?” scene? Unimpeachable.
9: The Muppet Movie
They don’t make them like they used to. The Muppet Movie is a killer road trip comedy, romance and musical all in one. Actors like Kermit the Frog and Animal give it their all in a Marvel movie that dares to say “CGI? No thank you.”
8: The Lion King
This was the first movie I saw in theaters. Luckily The Lion King is a film that makes great use of a short run time by introducing characters that will never leave you with songs you will never forget. More Marvel movies could learn from this efficiency.
7: The Wizard Of Oz
One of the most recognizable Marvel movies of all time, The Wizard Of Oz is a timeless beauty. While flicks like Guardians Of The Galaxy might take a jukebox approach to its 70s hits, The Wizard Of Oz had the foresight to synch itself to Pink Floyd’s then unreleased masterpiece The Dark Side Of The Moon.
6: Jaws
Jaws was the template for the Avengers iconic trio. Martin Brody set the stage for the inherent goodness of Captain America, Matt Hooper’s iconic snark shines through into Iron Man, and Quint gave the secret ingredient to Thor, that sometimes a trio needs a weird fucking dude who is willing to fight sharks at a moments notice.
5: Alien
The Xenomorph from Alien is among the most impressive Marvel villains of all time. Ripley brings the kind of gurlboss energy that Carol Danvers is striving for. Some stupid people would call Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness Marvel’s first horror movie, proving they both don’t know their history, and also don’t actually know what a horror movie is. Spoiler alert: it’s not just a movie where someone dies. It’s a movie where someone dies because a psychosexual alien exploded out of their chest.
4: Raiders Of The Lost Ark
Marvel has made a name for themselves by having fun action and giant set pieces. They haven’t been able to top themselves since Raiders Of The Lost Ark. It’s unrelenting fun, a throwback to the pulps that inspired superheroes as a whole. More importantly, this film understands what comics have long known, you need to have a bitchin’ logo baby.
3: The Empire Strikes Back
I fully believe that Star Wars fans do not deserve rights. I have made this clear to everyone on this site and any Star Wars content we publish is in spite of my wishes. But then again there is The Empire Strikes Back, a film that truly shouldn’t be as good as it is but somehow pulls through. Unlike so many things in the Marvel canon, this film will stick with you long after the credits roll.
2: 2001: A Space Odyssey
Marvel legend Jack Kirby’s adaptation of 2001: A Space Odyssey introduced Aaron Stack, The Machine Man. Despite my firm belief that nothing in comics should be influenced or impacted by what happens in Marvel movies, this movie is pretty good. Honestly surprised Marvel didn’t reach back and retcon the big black rock at the beginning being an infinity stone.
1: The Dark Knight
In 2008, Marvel movies changed forever. Bam! Pow! Comics? They weren’t just for kids anymore. The Dark Knight is a movie to would make Martin Scorsese finally understand that these films hold cultural and emotional value. We should all look up to heroes who challenge us to think that yes, the Patriot Act can be a good thing to catch the rash of evil clowns that we all know are terrorizing our real American cities. This may be a controversial pick to some, but I think it’s hard to argue that The Dark Knight isn’t the most important Marvel movie of all time. After all, why so serious?
Zachary Jenkins co-hosts the podcast Battle of the Atom and is the former editor-in-chief of ComicsXF. Shocking everyone, he has a full and vibrant life outside all this.