Did I need to pay $75.00 to read the Ariana Grande R.E.M. perfume comic book tie-in? No. Did I do it anyway? Yes. The pop superstar announced the sale of her limited edition perfume box at ULTA cosmetic stores on Twitter.
R.E.M. is the third fragrance in the Grande multiverse. What makes this perfume different? I have no idea because I don’t usually wear it. I am here exclusively for the crystal shaped bottle and the comic. Thatās who I am.
The box arrived on Sunday. I hastily opened the shipping container and inside was a white box. I was not impressed. Hereās what I saw:
Of course the surprise happened when I opened the box itself.
Inside was a giant perfume bottle. I mean, this thing is going to last well into my next lifetime and then the one after that. Still, I know none of you give a rats about the perfume so letās get to the comic eh? The comic was at the bottom of the box, itās a small non-standard size.Ā
Ariana Grande vs Sergeant Shade and the Clonebot Brigade.Ā
Is it the most catchy title? No. But it does harken to the old Atomic age with lettering, colors, and clothing. The script comes to us courtesy of Terry Blas (Dead Weight, Hotel Dare) with art by AtomicDemonArt1. The cover design is courtesy of Cheyne Gallarde. The short ten-page comic gives off some Barbarella vibes right down to Grandeās costume and high ponytail. Although, I donāt think Barbarella didnāt have a tea-cup pig (Piggy Smallz) and dog (Toulouse) sidekick.
āWelcome to the world of R.E.M.
When we last saw our heroes, Toulouse had been rescued from the captive clutches of the dastardly Captain ORBO. With his super canine abilities, he discovered the formula for the magical fragrance R.E.M. that illuminated a burst of positivity and light across the planet, transforming their villainous foes into friends. Join Ari, Toulouse and Piggy as they continue their quest to spread love and light across the universe.ā
The comic is printed on a rougher quality paper, by design. The gutter of the comic is made to look like a textured paper which cracks me up for reasons I canāt articulate. I guess itās because I imagine the time it went into printing a digital image of rough quality paper on paper. WhatĀ a hoot. The overall effect gives the colors a sort of pastel sun-faded look. Living in California, it just reminds me of what everything looks like here and I donāt hate that.
Like that old Sinatra classic, Fly me to space on a vaginal ship
My favorite component of the entire book is that Grande travels around the universe on a vaginal-shaped spaceship that emits rainbow exhaust.
If you donāt think the spaceship is vaginal, Iām here to tell you, you are wrong. There is no real setting or time given. We are just somewhere in the vastness of space near an unnamed planet. Perfect. Unsettle me you glorious bitch. Destabilize my concept of time. Wherever and whenever we are it is like the Jetsons meets Polly Pocket and now that is a thing I want. So someone, get on that please and thank you.
Toulouse and Piggy are based on Ariās real life pets of the same name and they are happy to be with Ari as she ventures down to the planet to investigate. Ariās weapon of choice is a laser gun which runs on bottles of R.E.M. perfume I guess? This brings me to another point. Hello?! Where is my laser gun crystal perfume atomizer? What the hell. I would have paid $100.00 for that and I still would, do you hear me Ariana?
Ari notices something is amiss on the planet. No one is there and yet this planet is supposed to be the most populated? Somehow. While wandering the streets with her two furry friends, Ari runs into a creature who looks loosely based on the character Rygel from Farscape. We donāt learn their name so Iām going to call him āTim.ā Tim warns Ari about the clonebots, a group of animatronic robots which look exactly like Ariana. To make matters worse they are Wanted! For what crimes you ask? No clue! Just no idea whatsoever.
Me, being the person I am, thinks the comic is going to take an unexpected turn towards being a fable about intellectual property theft. Thankfully, it does not.
War is over, if you want it
Turns out the clonebots are asleep and they donāt even know they are clones! Tragic. Who is to blame for all the planetās misdeeds? Iām just assuming there have been misdeeds, there is nothing in the comic that explicitly tells me one way or the other. The person to blame is none other than the green monster, Sargeant Shade.
Ari and pals quickly hoof it over to the clonebot factory where Ari replicas are being churned out. Who is this Sargeant Shade you ask? Well, he looks like every other Atomic era aged villain from the late 50s or early 60s in that he is green and has large menacing eyebrows. The only thing shade wants is to create havoc in the universe, which um, hello? Rude. The clonebots have been trained to do his bidding in an effort to take down Ariās mission of peace and love. How wIll the clonebots wake-up? WITH PERFUME OBVIOUSLY.
No. Not just any perfume. This perfume is a ācosmic formula built with love and individuality!ā No one can escape itās āintergalactic dream state of femininity and power.ā
You may have already picked up on this, but I am OOZING femininity and power right now having had previously spritzed myself with R.E.M. I feel like I have rolled around in a forest bed of gardenia and like the dew of a blade of grass. Then again, I have absolutely no idea what Iām talking about. All I know is that it actually feels like me and my gal pals have been rolling around in one anotherās musk. Do ladies have musk? Is that allowed in the Biden Administration?
Back to the comic.
Ari sprays the clonebots who get one whiff of the intergalactic puff of power and they begin to awaken from Shadeās spell. They didnāt even know they werenāt acting like themselves! The clonebots quickly find when they stop pretending to be Ari and embrace their individuality they are stronger and free to spread āpositivity and creativityā of their own. Ari invites the clonebots aboard her spaceship, so long as they are willing to support one another and work together. Alas. The true power was inside us all along.
Is the comic worth $75
What is anything worth? I mean when you really think about it. If you like Ariana Grande and you want a collectorās edition thing, then buy it. If you donāt, then donāt. Iām not here to judge you.
The comic is a campy, silly science-fiction story that ties into her fragrance. Thatās what it is, no more, no less. All that said, the comic still does a better job then some of the Fortnite tie-ins Iāve seen or comic partnershipās with the US military and it has a much better message.
Honestly, I wouldnāt mind seeing this fleshed out as a story. The creative team behind the comic has a good thing going and right now, my misery-addled brain will take all the pastel-powered-positivity it can handle.
Andrea Ayres is a freelance writer and pop culture journalist.
