Empyre burns on as the situation on Genosha gets messier and messier. Hordeculture and some demons join the zombies and plant aliens as Gerry Duggan, Ben Percy, Leah Williams, Lucas Werneck, and Nolan Woodard present Empyre: X-Men #2.
Nola Pfau: Allison. Warren.
Allison Senecal: Nola. WARREN. The hair.
NP: The hair. The himbo. The legend.
AS: This was pretty much a thirst issue, and thatās ok. I know you have something serious you want to go in on later, but my brain is empty.
NP: If I felt like the first issueās Warren content was targeted directly at us, this one felt like the X-offices had our GPS coordinates and laser precision. It was…a lot. Should we just scream about Warren first and then see what else there is after we get that out of our systems?
AS: YES, let us away to the premium himbo content.
Warren.
NP: Look, I will give the Only Good Billionaire credit here, when Hordeculture starts objectifying him, he leans into it and tries a charm offensive. It doesnāt work, because heās dealing with weird old terrorist ladies, but he tries.
AS: Good old-fashioned ācharm first, maybe weāll be around to ask questions laterā Warren, which is kinda a relief, since weāve been used to a decade of āoh no Iām slightly stressed out, time for Archangelā Warren. Pfoo!
NP: Of course, he immediately follows this up by getting doused with pheromones a la Poison Ivy, at which point after having already introduced himself as Angel, he gives his birth name. Honestly Iām shocked he didnāt provide a social security number and a bank account.
AS: Just hands over his American Express Black Card. I was really hoping his rendition of āSweet Carolineā would continue through the whole issue. His voice must be as grand as the rest of him, letās be real. At least heās still useful and the pheromone blast didnāt take him out of the plot too much, as I feared it might. Then we get that delicious pollen sequence, but really just a good excuse to ogle Warren some more, and then that pin-up page for good measure. Love that for us.
NP: Oh, likewise, Iām sure his singing voice is…angelic.
It really was good for us, and on a more direct note, itās really good to see Warren in the field, with his regular feathered wings, being useful? Thereās a lot of dismissive attitude toward this version of him, questioning his usefulness, and I really appreciate writers and artists who take the time to disprove that.
AS: Same. I love this version. If thatās really the only long-lasting development we get from this series, Iām a-ok with that, especially after they tackled it head-on with the Xavier conversation in the last issue. Just let him be, and let him do what heās good at: being rich, hot, and generally kind. Archangel has been run cyclically into the ground, so I will shout at the X-office as much is needed that this is GOOD.
NP: Same! Just like I will shout that we NEED THAT X-CORP BOOK, MARVEL.
Now, letās see…what else? I guess thereās a plot to talk about?
Not Warren.
AS: I dunno if itās āplotā, but there is Yanaās booty. And battle armor. This is a less spiky, less goth version of the āblackguardā look Iād like to see her sporting as her main costume?
NP: There is booty, thatās true. Our editor referred to it as a āchaos issueā during discussion and I think thatās apt, but doesnāt…quite encompass the real meat of whatās going on? Hordeculture appears to be on scene in order to capture samples of the Cotati. Why or for what weāre not really sure, but their expertise is at least useful here, insufferable as they are. Thereās a lot of escalation, as things go from a regular fight to some kind of giant seed pod that traps both Jamie Madrox and Monet inside. Monet tries to psionically attack a plant?
AS: The only good thing about Hordeculture is them serving as a stand-in for my Warren thoughts. But yeah, maybe Monet should have punched the seed pod instead. Or I liked her earlier idea of just having Sunfire roast the whole place. M getting knocked out does trigger Yanaās plan involving all of Krakoaās resident psychics. I didnāt quite catch what was going on with that. Krakoa feeds off telepaths? Is that the residual energy stuff from HOXPOX?
NP: Itās definitely weird that there arenāt a slew of pyrokines on hand here, but I suppose thatās part of why they worked to disable the Krakoan gate so quickly. And yes! Thatās the residual energy stuff. The idea being that with so many mutants on hand, Krakoa can take a tiny bit from each instead of sucking a few hosts dry, like Hordeculture wants to do to Warren. (AS: #$%&) [Ed. note: #$%&] I think what happened here was that Krakoa needed a large amount of energy in short order to attempt the toxic root thing, and it drew from the nearest available source, i.e. Monet.
AS: I did say I was very āno thoughts, head emptyā. That makes a ton of sense. You and I both donāt care much about Hordeculture, but I am curious as to why Monetās powers donāt work on them. I assume some kind of chemical thing theyāve developed, but good to file for future reference, when they arenāt allies. I donāt remember that coming up with Emma before, but I also tried to forget that issue as quickly as possible. Anyways, Black Tomās creepy little pollen homunculus, huh? I love this use of his powers. I skim X-Force, so not sure if heās done anything like this over there, but now I guess I love Black Tom, just like everyone else.
NP: Iām admittedly not super up on my Black Tom history; I remember the original arc where he appeared, and I remember his early 90s appearance in the Deadpool mini, but this definitely seems like a significant power upgrade from the āblasts people with his shillelaghā Tom of yore. I like it, though; itās a good evolution for him, and it lets him be weird in a fun way. Do you think he and Storm talk plants in their downtime? I bet they do.
Speaking of plants, the giant seedpod thing appears to be the Cotatiās attempt to salvage a situation quickly gone south; one of them even says something to a zombie akin to āwait one day, bigger than before,ā which I guess is fitting since Yana thinks the thing is an egg at first. It all builds to that last-minute telepath plan, and whew. Letās talk about that.
Still Not Warren.
AS: That last page sure does have a LOT going on, huh? Some usuals, like Quire and the Cuckoos. Some āformerā baddies we knew were around Krakoa, but hadnāt seen much of like Lady Mastermind and Selene. And then the one I entirely glossed over, but who you noticed immediatelyā¦
NP: Mother-#@$&inā Amahl Farouk, aka THE SHADOW KING. I donāt think we had confirmation before this that he was on Krakoa? Editors? [Ed. note: His fez was in The Green Lagoon but otherwise, no] Either way, it seems like a REALLY bad idea. Farouk isnāt like ā¢ā¤Č¦āā¢, he doesnāt have a kind of misguided ethos where heās attempting to prepare the planet for something. Heās just evil. He takes over peopleās bodies without consent and he uses them like husks. Wears them out, lets them die. Heās only ever concerned with himself, and has never once had a goal that went beyond that. I donāt really want to advocate for the ethics of Krakoaās carceral state, because thatās a….thorny conversation…but if Sabretooth is in the pit, it really seems like Shadow King should be even more?
AS: Just likeā¦.RIGHT to the pit. Also, wasnāt he dead? Or am I misremembering? I thought the Soule Astonishing run did that. [Ed. note: Oh who remembers?] That brings up another layer of āwhat the %$#&ā because it means he got a cushy spot in the resurrection queue. SOMEHOW.
NP: I guess I buy a cushy spot based on raw power, but even then, itās not like he and Xavier have played nicely in the past? And are we really meant to believe that Xavier, when confronted with a threat as uniquely existential as Farouk, then backed his psyche up in Cerebro? Like I said. Itās a bad idea. Something isnāt quiiiiite adding up here. Still, if the X-Men had good ideas, they wouldnāt be the X-Men. At any rate, Iām much more invested in the idea of issue three than I was this one, so thatās a nice upswing.
AS: Agreed. This ending gives us a little more plot meat to work with. Instead of just anticipating endless hordes of plants versus zombies, and Hordeculture being terrible. This is one series, along with the main Empyre one, that benefits from the squished Covid schedule. Not sure Iād be enjoying this ride with longer gaps in-between. The writer telephone game works a bit better with the brisk release.
X-Traneous Thots
- Jamie Madrox. He didnāt do much in this issue.
- Can zombies be thots? They were definitely extraneous.
- Literally every Warren panel is going in my scrapbook.
- Krakoan Reads: Psychic Showdown
Nola Pfau is Editor-in-Chief of WWAC and generally a bad influence.
