Louisiana is ground zero for an attack force of alien ships with a mission, and woe betide any human or mutant who gets in their way. And if that isn’t enough, an Outlier goes on the worst first date ever. Kids are dancing during the end of the world, and the Louisiana X-Men are the chaperones to terror! Uncanny X-Men #31 is written by Gail Simone, drawn by Jim Towe and David Baldeon, colored by Matt Wilson and lettered by Clayton Cowles.
Adam Reck: When we last left off, the Nawlins X-Men were being “Mars” Attacked by a mysterious group of space people and maybe also some Brood while the Outliers were being super cute about going to a school dance. Who are these mysterious otherworldly beings, and what do they want?
Austin Gorton: BRAINS!
Just kidding. Turns out they’re Brood hunters. And also, now that we know these are legit Brood, we’ve got one of those classic X-Men villains Gail Simone said she was going to be featuring in the series in the mix.
Adam: Whoa — spoiler alert! Along with the mission of our galactic foes, we also get a shake-up on art duties this month with Jim Towe taking the bulk of the pages with an assist by one of my personal faves, David Baldeon.
Austin: I am generally not a fan of multiple-artist issues or multiple-artist arcs, but while the Towe/Baldeon combo is a tick off last issue’s work from Roge Antonio, it’s still strong and remarkably consistent — I almost can’t tell where Baldeon (a fave of mine as well) comes in.
But enough preamble, let’s get to it!
Adam: Beam us up!
Oops All Wolverines
Adam: The interminable Graymalkin Prison story continues unabated as Monet gets in Captain Ezra’s face about this whole “we’re making Wolverines” thing. I started to count other times villains in the 616 have tried to “make Wolverines.” You’ve got the OG Weapon X, Albert, Weapon Plus, the cloning program that made X-23 & pals, Weapon H/Hulkverine, evil Beast’s Wolvie clones. What am I missing?
Austin: That’s a pretty good list! I came up with Department K (sort of), the Orchis Wolverine Sentinels made from the bones of his dead bodies, and you can probably throw Romulus in the mix, too.
Adam: Oh god, Romulus. What really makes this fall flat isn’t just the idea of another group of mad scientists trying to “make Wolverines.” It’s the suggestion that the mutants who were abducted for the purpose of experimentation were traumatized and “broken.” And while I can’t argue with the first label, it really seemed to me that some of these characters actually had their act together in the previous era — specifically Bartender Blob and X-Force Omega Red were probably living their best lives?
Austin: Siryn was doing OK, right?
The other thing that makes this fall flat is the idea that to some extent, “making Wolverines” meant giving the subjects unretractable claws. Like, the idea that the thing that was missing to make Siryn an effective weapon despite her mutant powers and years of superhero combat training was to glue two knives to each of her hands? That’s just dumb.
Adam: 100% agreed. Same with most of the others. Why does Omega Red need claws? Dude has DEATH SPORES and TENTACLES! Wildchild already has claws! It doesn’t even make for a particularly compelling splash page, despite Towe drawing it quite well.
The scene ends with a twist: Podcaster Ellis was just “the face” of the operation. It was Scurvy who was really in charge. And folks, I have to ask. What is the point of any of this? Scurvy is dead. The prison has changed hands (though still seems open as of last issue?). The experiment Ezra talks about wasn’t a success. We all just want Graymalkin Prison to go away, so why are we still here talking about it like it’s some intricately layered story we all want to dive deeper into?
Austin: Honestly, the thing that bothered me the most about this is that we’re finally, finally seeing some visceral outrage from the characters relating to the existence of Graymalkin Prison, and it’s taken this dumb idea of “making Wolverines” to elicit it. Not saying they shouldn’t be outraged by the idea, but it should be the cherry on top of the outrage sundae, not the sundae itself. We’re finally seeing Monet and the rest reacting to all this nonsense the way they should have been dozens of issues ago, and it’s only coming in the wake of all this nonsense, like the illegal incarceration of their friends and colleagues was just annoying but ultimately acceptable.
Adam: I guess we at least have the second episode of the second season of X-Men ‘97, where for all its silliness it still gave Jubilee the opportunity to blow up a federal mutant prison in under five minutes mere moments after she learned about it.
Austin: THAT’S both how you highlight Jubilee AND depict the proper reaction to discovering a mutant gulag.
Close Encounters
Adam: When I was 12, I went to the movies with friends and saw Fire in the Sky. I left the theater pretty freaked out by the “true” story of an alien abduction complete with its graphic depiction of an abductee being tortured by “grays.” Luckily, our buddy Nightcrawler and his ladyfriend MacKenzie are merely imprisoned by forcefields on the alien spacecraft, no dissection required.
Austin: When *I* was 12, I saw lots of ads for Fire in the Sky on the back covers of my comic books and thought, “Gee, that looks kind of freaky, I’m not going to see that,” and I stand by that decision.
Adam: It’s still pretty freaky if you ever want to watch it!
Kurt is able to use his powers to teleport MacKenzie and himself out of the spacecraft to the ground, which is a bold maneuver considering he doesn’t exactly know where he is.
Austin: Or how far away from a breathable atmosphere he is.
Adam: Right? He could’ve beamed them into the vacuum of space! I liked that MacKenzie has to deal with the fact that despite her being rescued, Kurt has to immediately leave her to go save the day for others. All in the day of being in a relationship with a superhero. Baldeon’s art is great here and really conveys the sweetness of the moment.
Austin: I also love the panel of MacKenzie after Kurt leaves, with the massive flying saucer hovering above her; striking visual. One question: At first, Nightcrawler can’t teleport out of his cell, but then he seems to figure something out and is able to bamf out both himself and MacKenzie. Did you understand what it was he figured out? Do you think it even matters?
Adam: Kurt says the alien technology “ignores basic physics” and “I see it.” So, do I understand what he did? Uh, nope. Does it matter? I’d like to think between this and Kurt not being able to teleport the alien last issue this would be something Gail revisits before the end of the arc, but who knows?
Alien X-Terminators
Adam: So unlike last time when we were debating whether the aliens and the Brood were one and the same, this issue makes that distinction very clear. But first, Ransom and the Vig fight the Brood, and boy I was not expecting the Vig to have his arm ripped off and bleed to death!
Austin: I’d be stunned if this was the end of the Vig — if Spidey villain the Lizard can regrow limbs, I bet Crocodile Man the Vig can, too — but also, I’d kind of admire the chutzpah if Simone IS killing him off here.
Adam: Given he’s a relatively new character, I’m hoping this isn’t the last of the Vig. Time will tell. Back inside the dance, Ransom explains what’s up but then Mutina also shows up to explain what’s up and … what the heck are Mutina’s powers again? Now she’s telepathic? Was she always telepathic?
Austin: Adam, we’ve been over this: Her power is to inspire cosplayers.
But yeah, she’s vaguely telepathic. There’s some “can sense fear” junk in the mix as well, but that’s really just a specific application of telepathy, essentially. Along with, like, being able to teleport between shadows. But mostly telepathy.
That said, I’m still not sure what to make of the character. Simone definitely seems to be leaning into using her as the Outliers’ Wolverine, and in a vacuum, I enjoy her sort of bored competence, both here and in the previous arc. But I fear we’re going down a road similar to Graymalkin Prison, sidestepping the serious harm the character was doing to mutants in-world by forcing the characters to turn a blind eye to it in the name of advancing a storyline in a predetermined direction. Redeeming villains is old hat for the X-Men; I just hope wherever this Mutina stuff is going, assuming it is going to end up in some kind of alliance, that there’s a stop to reckon with her past actions along the way.
Adam: Before he’s taken out, the Vig punches beneath one of the aliens’ Mr. Freeze head bubbles, revealing a green creature inside, but neither he nor a hacking and slashing Wolverine can completely take the thing out. Only Jubilee has the sense to use the alien’s trident weapon on it (I loved the detail of Jubilee needing to adjust her sunglasses into place before she jumped into action — classic) which creates a pause in the action until it turns out our alien invaders are there for a very specific purpose: to exterminate a Brood colony located underneath the school. The under-the-school thing feels very classic sci-fi horror and works really well.
Austin: It does, and whether or not this is where Simone is going with it, it actually fits that there’d be a hive of Brood somewhere around New Orleans, given they were nesting there in the old X-Men/Ghost Rider crossover back in the ’90s (I mean, it doesn’t make actual sense, since New Orleans somewhat famously doesn’t have a lot of “underground,” but that’s a problem with the original Brood Nawlins story; Simone is just continuing that tradition).
Adam: Let’s not discount the very much not a classic but incredibly well-titled sequel to “Brood Trouble in the Big Easy” — “Brood Feud II.” To your point, there’s very much a history of Brood activity in Nawlins. Now, can our heroes figure out how to work with the invaders in time to save the children and the school’s football field? Guess we’ll find out next time.
X-traneous Thoughts
- The issue’s cover title, “They Came From Beyond!” may reference the 1967 sci-fi flick “They Came from Beyond Space.”
- Nightcrawler claims diplomatic space immunity/protection under Lilandra despite Xandra last holding the title before Mad Emperor D’Ken’s son Ror’ak Neramani most recently taking the title in Imperial War: Exiles #1. I would think Nightcrawler would at bare minimum know about Xandra.
- Nightcrawler also self-references the book’s superlative. Are the X-Men aware they’re dubbed “Uncanny”?
- No, seriously, what the heck are Mutina’s powers?
- The aforementioned X-Men/Ghost Rider/Brood story occurred in X-Men Vol. 2 #8-9 and Ghost Rider Vol. 3 #26-27, just in case this stuff doesn’t live at the forefront of your brain. And “Brood Feud II” happens in Ghost Rider Vol. 3 #67-68.
- Wolverine calls the alien “Battlefield Earth,” a reference to the L. Rob Hubbard book turned into the notorious film flop of 2000 starring John Travolta with dreadlocks.
- Jitter loved the present Calico picked up for her last ish.
- Marvel is running Disability Pride Month backup stories in select comics this month, including this one!
Buy Uncanny X-Men #31 here. (Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, ComicsXF may earn from qualifying purchases.)
Adam Reck is the cartoonist behind Bish & Jubez as well as the co-host of Battle Of The Atom. Follow him @adamreck.bsky.social.
Austin Gorton also reviews older issues of X-Men at the Real Gentlemen of Leisure website, co-hosts the A Very Special episode podcast, and likes Star Wars. He lives outside Minneapolis, where sometimes, it is not cold. Follow him @austingorton.bsky.social.
