You got me, Robert Kirkman.
The Splash
There is something so unabashedly commercial in re-releasing “The Walking Dead” in color that I can’t help but like it.
Tellin’ fans it won’t be collected and makin’ ’em snap up those floppies? For a series that’s already made dump trucks of television and licensing* money? It’s so goddamn nakedly transparent, like Jeff Bezos leisurely walking into a bank vault, stuffing his pockets full of cash and wiggling his pasty white giggle stick at the camera on his way out, that I can’t be mad.
* I have a bottle of “Walking Dead” bourbon. And, no, that doesn’t make any sense.
I was so not mad that I bought the damned thing, read it and enjoyed it.
Sure, it helps that I never got into the original run of the series — I read the first arc a few years ago and was thoroughly whelmed — because I generally don’t dig black and white books. Color is so important in telling stories (I argue, even as I feel like I’m being judged as a philistine), and it adds so much to a book that it takes a special circumstance for me to settle into an uncolored comic. I didn’t get that feeling, so I put it down and wandered off into whatever else was important in 2015ish.
(Do you remember those long-ago days? Weren’t they great?)
This new book, though, this thing rendered in Glorious Ultracolor, is a different animal — more visceral (literally) and detailed. Colorist Dave McCaig makes some excellent choices (particularly when it comes to the mottled, sickly skin of the walkers) in a gig fraught with hazards. Kirkman, for his part, does his best to add some value with a letter about the series (needs some work on the typography, but whatever) and a detailed walkthrough of his script, which probably would have worked better as annotations on the page but that, methinks, would have been detrimental to the overall reading experience.
If I were a less charitable person without the teensy bit of joy in my heart that I do have, I’d denounce this as a shameless money grab. But now I get to experience a thing that everyone else has already had their fun with, and I’m lucky enough to get it in Glorious Ultracolor.
So you got me, Bobert. I’m your rube, the dummy who will buy up these floppies with a smile.
Still. Not mad about it.
All Hail the Important Question, First of His Line
Tweet me (@willnevin) or just scream at me with some stupid thing you want answered. If you don’t ask me questions, I’ll find you and beg you for them. Don’t make me beg.
@SAASTheSecond: With Joker War coming to an end, is there any way to do a serious joker story anymore? Does he just have to become a fun campy villain or is there still potential there?
Let me use this spot for a lil’ self-promotion: Our first “Bat Chat with Matt (and Will!)” should be live by the time you’re reading this, Loyal Content Consumer, and I think we did a helluva job writing up “Batman” #100 — Good Brother Matt and I talked up most everything in the issue, and he brings a mess o’ depth and insight. Couldn’t ask for a better partner in Bat reviews.
In my paltry contributions to our chat, I suggested we put a stop to the DC “special number” book because this is downright exhausting in the wake of “Detective Comics” #1,000, ’Tec #1,027 and even the big wad of nothing “Batman” #50 turned out to be. But that’s not the only thing worth stopping: For the next five years, I want a moratorium UPON PENALTY OF REAL DEATH FOREVER NOT STUPID COMIC BOOK DEATH on any story in which Gotham is taken over by a villain, group of villains or other assortment of ne’er-do-wells.
And similarly, the Joker has got to go away.
It wouldn’t be so bad if these stories weren’t promoted as “OMG this is the most serious best final Joker story ever,” but James Tynion IV — like Scott Snyder before him in “Endgame” — couldn’t help but take a stab at a self-serious Clown Prince of Crime epic. It’s not that it’s bad — it’s really not — but it’s tiresome. Rote. Exhausting in its unyielding sameness. And it wilts under the pressure of trying to be this expansive story that presumes to change Gotham and Batman forever.
But to answer the question, I think you can do either; however, the serious stories can’t come with the expectation that they’re going to be the best, most definitive Joker story ever told. Just work to tell a good story, one with real, relatable stakes and a core that matches up with these iconic characters.
Don’t try to make it a great story, because you will fail.
Food Crime of the Week: Officer Bill Gannon’s Vanilla Barbecue Sauce
In my media history class, I teach a unit on moral panics, and it’s a great big ol’ pile o’ fun observing how we’ve been losing our collective shit over violent video games, scandalous rap and rock lyrics, the secret devil worshipers around every corner and in every preschool and (the OG moral panic in American mass media) comic books. Right now, we’re looking at television — both at the early-’90s sudden outrage over the unconscionable violence of shows like *checks notes* “The A-Team” and “Miami Vice” and the ability of television to react to moral panics like the one over marijuana.
That’s all to say that this week, we watched a 1968 “Dragnet” episode titled “The Big High,” an unintentionally hilarious piece about how your infant child will drown in a bathtub if you spark up a doober. The show, though, opens with occasional comic relief character Officer Bill Gannon (played by the always excellent Harry Morgan) explaining the process — and nauseating secret — behind his barbecue sauce:
- Chill a good-sized bowl
- Put one quart of ketchup into the bowl and mix
- Add one can of red peppers
- Add one can of hot mustard
- Add one quart of vinegar
- Add one pound of peeled and chopped red peppers
- Add one small jar of oregano
- Add four of five good-sized cloves of garlic
- Mix together with an electric mixer
- Add five chopped Bermuda onions as you mix
- Add one quart vanilla ice cream
Ice cream. For serious.
“You put it on lamb,” Gannon says in an expert deadpan, “and you never know it’s lamb.” There’s no proof that this was intended to be an actual recipe, but given the internet and its inherent insanity, some have actually tried it.
I don’t know why.
And Now, Your (Other) Questions
@raspberrysurprs: you think rick is comparable to any other comic book villain (or villain in general) or is he a unique thing
Tomy, if you didn’t know, is my “Ice Cream Man” loving ward, and I support him 158% in his desire to know all things in re: that there *perfect* series from W. Maxwell Prince, Martin Morazzo, Chris O’Halloran and Image Comics.
In my mind, Rick (who is the titular spook for those of you uncool enough to not know that) serves as something like the Cryptkeeper or Rod Serling’s narrator from “The Twilight Zone” — he’s there to give us the connective tissue between all of these (seemingly) disconnected anthology stories, to give us a familiar, albeit ominous, face to hold on to. He is, though, at least a little different from those figures as he participates somewhat in the stories in which he appears.
If I had to compare him to a regular ol’ comic book character, he strikes me as something comparable to the Guardians of the Universe from the world of the Green Lanterns. Rick is older than creation and beyond the mortal concerns of time and space, but yet he’s fascinated by what we do and the amount of misery we create for ourselves. However, unlike the Guardians, Rick doesn’t care about the rest of us…or at least he doesn’t care in a good way.
@dagsly: Suppose there was a Mount Rushmore just for Batman writers and artists. Who is on it? There are 4 spaces.
The thing about Rushmore (aside from it being a desecration of Native lands, but who’s counting with all of the genocide?) is that it’s not four random presidents; it’s four presidents who fit into four specific slots: the first (Washington), the brightest (Jefferson), the noblest (Lincoln) and a guy who did stuff recently (Teddy Roosevelt).
So I constructed my Mount Gotham using those slots, beginning with Bill Finger (you’ve gotten enough credit and fame, Bob Kane) as the first. Frank Miller, mostly for his work on “Year One” and somewhat for “Dark Knight Returns” and for absolutely nothing else, gets the Jeffersonian spot. Kelley Jones gets the third nod, because I *love* his Batman’s grotesque and distorted features. Finally, Greg Capullo gets the WGAF recency spot. He’s good enough for some recognition, and I really can’t think of anyone more deserving in the last 15 years.
@jro616: Where did Disney go so wrong with Mulan?
Two words: design and execution. As to the first — and this is an issue I’ve never really understood — why would a Disney fan pick up any of the live-action remakes when the classic animated films are sitting right there on their shelves? I mean, given a choice between the animated “Beauty and the Beast,” “Lion King” or “Aladdin” and their remake counterparts, it’s not even close for me. I know Disney fanatics are…umm…passionate and that energy drives consumption, but have some standards, goddamnit.
And on the execution, it sounds like the House of Mouse made a big pile of blah. I’m sure missing out on the big screen exhibition hurt the experience (as did the increased desire/pent up frustration to see the film), but making a boring ass movie is never going to help. Especially as you’re stumbling from one serious ethical problem to another.
@danielpgrote: Who are the Justice League Big 7 of pro wrestling, 1980s Hogan era? (The cartoon ideal of Hogan, not the real-life disappointment)
If it’s going to be a Justice League, we have to stick with wrasslers who were faces for the most part, and that list starts with Hogan (who, as you rightly point out, is a fucking shit stain). That gives us six other spots:
- Andre the Giant. A legend in his own day who’d be on this list even without the association with Hogan at Wrestlemania III.
- “Macho Man” Randy Savage. Charismatic as hell and an absolute icon.
- Ultimate Warrior. Another piece of shit as a person who couldn’t wrestle even as judged by the relatively low standards of the day. Still, the look and that manic burst of energy on his way to the ring took him far (and certainly farther than he deserved to go).
- Dusty Rhodes. One of the best talkers of all time who could wrestle…enough.
- Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat. A guy who could absolutely go in the ring.
- Rock and Roll Express. I didn’t have an obvious candidate for the seventh spot, but the Rock and Roll Express — as a couple of athletic guys who are still active today — are good enough to make the list and represent all of the tag teams from an era before Vince McMahon cheapened tag team wrestling forever.
@BigDadEnergy_: Who is the best Greek deity
Zeus, and it’s not even close, and I’ll tell you why: It’s because he fucks. A lot. When the man has an entire category on his Wikipedia page for “Consorts and Offspring,” it’s some bonering you simply have to respect.
Prometheus is a strong No. 2: I have to appreciate the grit of anyone who can have their liver eaten every day.
Your ‘Why, Will’ Weekly-ish Planner
Today, Friday, Oct. 9: This is a placeholder/countdown for “Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan,” which drops on Amazon in two weeks. Look, I realize I shouldn’t be excited for this — it’s 14 years after the first movie (Jesus, I’m old), and it won’t be any better than that — but the trailer had some solid laughs. And I need that right now. We need that right now.
Saturday: Bill Burr hosts “SNL,” which could be good since he’s a comedian and all. (Although they didn’t write anything particularly good for Chris Rock last weekend, so…?) The best hook for the show might be any stunt guest casting in the wake of the vice presidential debate and the relatively late scratch of the episode’s musical guest after he blew the biggest moment in his career by going to a stupid party here in Alabama.
Sunday: Nothing in the NFL will beat Tom Brady losing on a brain fart, so don’t even try. Go for a walk. Take a nap. Laugh and feel joy at that shitty man losing.
Monday: Fuck Columbus Day.
Tuesday: “DC: The Doomed and the Damned”
Wednesday: “Commanders in Crisis” #1, “Grendel, Kentucky” #2, “Marvel Zombies: Resurrection” #3, “The Vain” #1
Stay safe. Stay sane.
Have a good weekend, y’all.
Will Nevin loves bourbon and AP style and gets paid to teach one of those things. He is on Twitter far too often.
