Heavy on format changes and spies and assassins this week.
Let’s get to it.
The Bottom (at the Top)
10. Spawn #1-2. Story, pencils and inks: Todd McFarlane; Colorists: Steve Oliff, Reuben Rude and Olyoptics; Letterer: Tom Orzechowski; Publisher: Image
With the news of Todd McFarlane starting a shared “Spawn’s Universe,” I thought it would be a good excuse to go back some 30 years to the beginning of the title, and Loyal Content Consumers, I’ve gotta say: It’s not great. Spawn spends most of the first two issues moping about his Faustian pact gone wrong, and McFarlane writes some truly cringey moments like a would-be sexual assault victim consoling Spawn after he has a freaky flashback and our man screaming “I’m a Black guy” in one of the worst moments of exposition/dialogue I’ve ever seen. If I had seen this and not been a 6-year-old at the time, I would have told Todd to stick to pin-ups — the only thing these two issues consistently do right. But here’s the thing if I’m Spawn: I demand a cool sword that lights up. If Silicon Valley is going to fuck me over, then I should at least get a sick-ass sword.
Really Not That Bad
9. The Next Batman: Second Son Ch. 1. Writer: John Ridley, Penciller: Tony Akins, Breakdowns: Ryan Benjamin, Inker: Mark Morales, Colorist: Rex Lokus, Letterer: Deron Bennett, Publisher: DC
I like my steak rare, my bourbon neat, my coffee black and my Batman Bruce Wayne. But you kids and your Yu-Gi-Ohs and your changing mantles. I don’t like Dick Bat, and I hated Mecha Bat; it’s craziness, and I won’t stand for it. That all said, Tim Fox — removed from the baggage of Future State — is fun here. It helps that the story, a little excursion to Vietnam to fetch a billionaire up to no good, is a relatable piece with clear character motivations and a story you can follow, which wasn’t always the case in Future State: Next Batman. The digital-first “here’s half an issue” is a bit awkward with this story, but I can let that go.
8. Future State: Batman/Superman #1. Writer: Gene Luen Yang, Breakdowns: Scott McDaniel, Pencils and inks: Ben Oliver and Stephen Segovia, Colorist: Arif Prianto, Letterer: Tom Napolitano, Publisher: DC
Goddamn DC and its universe-restarting shenanigans. That and the overall silliness of this story aside, I thought this worked; the art is tippy top notch, and the narrative actually explains why Supes is nowhere to be found in the Gotham of tomorrow’s dystopia. Imagine that: Something about “Future State” actually being explained.
7. Two Moons #1. Writer: John Arcudi, Artist Valerio Giangiordano, Colorist: Dave Stewart, Letterer: Michael Heisler, Publisher: Image
If I ever get rich, I might just buy a period nobility outfit — but certainly not some Civil War uniform or anything. (Those things and reenactments are only for racists.) Two Moons, the story of a Native American Union soldier facing down both Rebs and the supernatural, is fine so far, and after reading Arcudi’s afterword, I think he’s planning on going to some interesting places. But ya know, I don’t know if I want interesting or complex in my Civil War story — I just want to see Johnny Reb die. That doesn’t mean the Union has to be lionized (certainly they had more than enough racism on their side), but I would read any book where the aim was to kill as many Confederates and/or Nazis as possible.
The X Non-Comics Thoughts of the Week
- Who the fuck is Peter King? Never heard of ‘im. If I had heard of him — which I totally haven’t — I definitely wouldn’t steal another man’s bit. I have standards, for fuck’s sake.
- I understand the frustration coming from Joe Biden’s left flank. He’s not your guy; he wasn’t anyone’s guy aside from the “beat Trump at all costs and do so by appealing to the less racists whites of Pennsyltucky” crowd, and he excited precisely no one. But to expect all of his stated policy goals to happen immediately is a bit much. Do I wish the Democrats were moving with a little more urgency? Sure. Do I hope Joe Manchin falls into the nearest abandoned coal mine? Of course. But give the man a bit more time. And feel free to hit him when he definitively rejects objectively good things. (Like his position on forgiving *only* $10,000 in student debt. Come the fuck on, Joe. I could promise concern troll Susan Collins a new concern bridge to live under and get more than that.)
- Andrew Cuomo’s gotta go. The nursing home stuff is bad, the sexual harassment stuff is bad and you can throw a rock in any direction in Albany and hit someone who can more or less do his job.
- And Chris Cuomo can go with his brother. How much is he paid to be that bad on television?
- DC’s Batman ’89 and Superman ’78 announcements seem like an attempt to super serve the core demo, and that sure seems like the overall direction for the entertainment industry, especially if we’re talking streamers. Just within the past month, both Sex and the City and Frasier have been picked up for streaming platforms and reboots, and while you might think “no one wants to see those shows come back because one bombed with a flaming shit pile of a movie sequel and the other has a lead who’s basically Jon Voight with a few brain cells left,” the fact is that Hollywood types are banking on … we’ll say at least three people looking at those two shows and deciding that was the thing to finally make them sign up for HBO Max and Paramount+ (respectively). Or looking at them and putting off canceling for another month. The margins are all different and weird now: During its last season in 2004-’05, Star Trek: Enterprise averaged 2.9 million viewers on UPN, and for that sin, the network shelved it two episodes short of the 100 needed for syndication. But that was regular ol’ television. Now, while CBS has never announced any streaming American viewership numbers for Star Trek: Picard, it lost almost 30% of its Canadian audience during its first season run — and for that, it got a renewal. It’s also an incredibly bad and stupid show for what it’s supposed to be. Alas.
- Good for Jonah Hill.
- I have no idea what Trump talked about at CPAC, and it was nice not to see 10,000 tweets about it. I know he’s not finished politically — we won’t be that lucky until he’s dead, but even then, we’ll have his idiot brood to deal with — but it feels good that he’s occupying a minimum of my time and attention.
- I am against the permanent militarization of the nation’s Capitol. All too often, we fail to imagine the ingenuity of evil; we put up concrete bollards to stop the next truck bombing, but we do nothing to stop box cutters turning planes into missiles. We do everything but strip to our underwear at airports (the machines take away our dignity for us!) but that did nothing to prevent the storming of Capitol Hill on Jan. 6. I understand that, yes, quite literally fences and concertina wire would have prevented some of the mayhem of that attack, but we should think about what’s on the horizon. And turning our citadel of liberty into a prison is not what functioning democracies do. (Ergo, we are not a functioning democracy, but that’s for another day.)
- Spring training with fans seems like a big milestone on the way to getting back to regular life. Why or how we decided to have NCAA basketball during the worst parts of the pandemic is beyond me, but at least most of us made it to the other side. You know, there’s some alternate timeline where we handled everything responsibly. I hope life there is as good as I imagine it to be.
- This list of the 50 best films on Netflix will probably be out of date by the time you read this (I gotta think some of them left at the end of February, as is the way of these things), but it’s worth a read if you’re looking for some movie recs. My pick from that half a hundy? Uncut Gems. Fuck, that was good.
Not Many Complaints, I Tell Ya
6. Write It In Blood. Writer: Rory McConville, Illustrator: Joe Palmer, Colorist: Chris O’Halloran, Letterer: Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou, Publisher: Image
We like crossovers where big meaty things fight. Godzilla vs. King Kong? Giant gorillas punching giant lizards is just cool as hell. Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash? That’s the sort of nonsense that could only happen in comics because the licensing is too hard anywhere else. There’s not as much fighting in Write It In Blood as those two things, but it’s a crossover (at least in spirit) as the Coen brothers’ No Country for Old Men meets the Coen brothers’ Burn After Reading. If you understand that Venn diagram and are even the itty bittiest interested, I’d give this a look.
5. Ice Cream Man #23. Writer: W. Maxwell Prince, Artist: Martín Morazzo, Colorist: Chris O’Halloran, Letterer: Good old Neon, Publisher: Image
This issue is ranked too low. This issue is ranked too high. I’m the Zack Snyder of ambiguous statements. But seriously, I don’t know where to slot this — the story is as engaging and ambiguous as ever (The conclusion here? “Who knows what might happen! Life is unfair and random”), but most of this issue is prose, and I don’t know that the medium is served as well as it should be. The writing is good — Prince continues to make me angry that he can do so many things well — but there’s simply not much left for Morazzo and O’Halloran to do — which is the opposite of so many of the best issues of Ice Cream Man. Ergo, I remain torn.
X Spotlight: Things on ComicsXF You Should Read
- Product Placement and Tonal Whiplash Abound in Image’s Crossover #4 by Big Boss Zack and Dan McMahon. I gave up on this about an issue and a half into this misguided mess, but kudos to these boys for showing up every month. I couldn’t.
- The People Pulling the Strings Are What’s Most Grotesque About I Breathed a Body #2 by Big Boss Zack and Rob Secundus. The real monsters in any zombie movie, as a scholar in the genre once pointed out to me, are not the walkers — it’s the survivors willing to perpetrate any horror against their fellow man. In that same way, I think I Breathed A Body is the same sort of commentary on the monsters we have become.
- Magneto Is Not Malcolm X: The Limitations of Analogies & Good Intentions by Jude Jones. Think about this the next time you reach for your comic book reduction.
- Getting to the Bottom of Things in WandaVision Episode 7 by Justin Partridge and Mikey Zee. I regret not watching the series *only* because I didn’t get a chance to hang out with Mikey in these pieces. ALAS.
- A New US Agent, The Same Old Issues In US Agent #3 by Rodrigo Arellano. A new face in these parts!
Almost the Best
4. Bang #2. Writer: Matt Kindt, Artist: Wilfredo Torres, Colorist: Nayoung Kim, Letterer: Nate Piekos, Publisher: Dark Horse
This meta deconstruction of spy and action movie tropes devolves into a circlejerk and then a counterjerk and then a countercounterjerk, but I’m not complaining — I don’t think there’s a better critique of the insanity and unbelievability of Die Hard than Bang #2.
3. Decorum #1. Writer: Jonathan Hickman, Artist: Mike Huddleston, Letterer: Rus Wooton, Publisher: Image
Hickman writes at a level beyond my comprehension, but thankfully, themes are for eighth grade book reports. Yet even the art — as it shifts in style from page to page — seems designed to be unsettling, or at least requiring the reader’s total attention. Under all of this, the flash, the infographics, the charts and flavor text, there’s a fascinating story here of the business of killing — and being the goddamned best at it.
2. Detective Comics #758-762. Writers: Greg Rucka and Ed Brubaker; Artists: Shawn Martinbrough, Steve Mitchell and Darwyn Cooke; Colorists: Wildstorm FX and Matt Hollingsworth; Letterers: Todd Klein and Sean Konot; Publisher: DC
The first time I had a roast beef and curly fries (or maybe it was the two of them with a Jamocha shake?), I knew Arby’s was the work of God. Same thing with this arc of ’Tec, which includes Rucka on the main story and Brubaker and Cooke on a Slam Bradley backup; clearly, there is a comics god and he wants us to be happy, people. Strangely enough, I thought Rucka’s Batman — who comes off as an abusive, insufferable prick as he alternately trains and harasses Sasha Bordeaux, a new female sidekick — was the weakest bit of the arc, while he wrote the various cops (Bullock, Montoya, et al) with some real pizzazz. I wonder what would happen if he wrote *just* the cops without Batman?
The Top X List: Rejected ComicsXF Patreon Benefits
Programming note: This week’s Discord quotes were cut for space. Or were they?
10. Get your emails ignored by big time publishers. Do you want to feel like you work for a real comics journalism enterprise? Send us your emails, and we’ll forward them to some of the biggest publishers in the game. You’ll be a real live comics journo pro as you wait for a response that’ll never come.
9. Tour the offices. You and a friend and your masks can tour the luxurious ComicsXF offices. As soon as we build them.
8. Commission an original work of art from the staff. It’ll be yours forever. Note: The staffers with actual artistic talent do not have the time to fill Patreon requests. So you’re stuck with the rest of us.
7. Membership on the ComicsXF track club. Me and Pierce Lightning will run you to pieces. PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY. [Grote’s note: I joined them once. Once. It hurt. Also they left me behind and I had to get an Uber home.]
6. Rate your Criterion collection. The movie buffs on the staff will rate your Criterion collection. They will be savage.
5. Sauce talk with Chris. Consummate dad and sauce pro Chris Eddleman will tell you more than you desire to know about sauces. You will feel sauce as he feels sauce. You will love sauce anew.
4. Reviewcursion. Start by writing a review, which we’ll critique. Then, you can review our critique of your comics criticism. We’ll take that review and give you our honest feedback, which you’ll use to write your own take on what we had to say. The process will continue until the sun burns out or your preferred payment method is declined.
3. Give us your best food crime. Brussels sprout pizza? Pasta cooked in Powerade? Whatever gross but marginally edible thing you can dream up, someone on the staff will eat it.
2. Cori makes your ex cry. Look, if you’re a creep, this benefit isn’t available to you, but if you had your heart broken and you didn’t deserve it and your ex is truly a terrible person, Cori McCreery will call them and make them cry. If you step up a level in your pledge and it’s legal in your ex’s jurisdiction, Cori will even record the call.
1. Make your X-Men pitch. Let us help you prepare a pitch for your own X-Men book. We’ll be with you for the whole process as you develop your idea, craft a series bible and then put the packet together with a nice cover letter. You’ll send your finished pitch to us … and then we’ll chunk it. C’mon. You know Marvel doesn’t read unsolicited submissions.
Want some of the actual goodies Patreon members receive? You know what to do.
Finally, the Big Hoss of the Week
1. James Bond: Agent of Spectre #1. Writer: Christos Gage, Artist: Luca Casalanguida, Colorist: Heather Moore, Letterer: Simon Bowland, Publisher: Dynamite
This could have easily been titled The Last Temptation of James Bond, and it would have worked — the setup is that Bond, once again on the trail of Spectre, has been approached by one of its agents (a mysterious Ernst Blofeld, not quite *the* Blofeld at this point) with an impossible offer: assassinate a rival Spectre agent in exchange for enough money to retire on and the safety of his only friend in the world. What’s Bond going to do? I love the moral quandary here (and I’ve broken the law in a couple places to varying degrees, so I know moral quandaries), and this first issue reads like one of the best Bond adventures.
NeXt Time on the X Spot
BRZRKR #1, Chariot #1, Infinite Frontier and seven more … because it’s pronounced “ten.”
Will Nevin loves bourbon and AP style and gets paid to teach one of those things. He is on Twitter far too often.
