May 7, 2024

The X Spot: Injustice, Wrestlemania, Batman and Steve Orlando

Will Nevin032 mins

Loyal Content Consumer, I’d like to start out this week by apologizing for an error that was brought to my attention by my colleague Cori McCreery. In my review of Tidalwave Productions’ Tribute: Rush Limbaugh, I offered a script for my own Rush bio comic that was fundamentally flawed and tragically incomplete. I’d like to correct the error now by publishing a script that better address the sum of who Limbaugh was as a person:

PAGE ONE

PANEL 1: A graveside where Will stands and shovels dirt.

  1. WILL: He was a real piece of shit.  

PANEL 2: Will, with his back to the “camera,” begins to urinate.

PANEL 3: View from inside the burial vault as urine splashes on pathetic, wilted flowers resting on a gaudy coffin.

  1. WILL: Seriously. What a fucker.

I sincerely regret the error, and I will endeavor to do better in the future.

The Bottom (at the Top)

10. Geiger #1. Writer: Geoff Johns, Artist: Gary Frank, Colorist: Brad Anderson, Letterer: Rob Leigh, Publisher: Image

Ranking the relative sins and transgressions of creators is a losing game, and it’s one I’m not suited to play anyhow. But some — like those of Woody Allen and Warren Ellis — are simply impossible to ignore, especially since Allen’s entire goddamn film catalog is about older men dating younger women and Ellis used his position in the comics industry to groom younger potential partners. So what of Geoff Johns? Two recent allegations suggest he pushed back against casting a Black actor as Superman’s grandfather on Krypton and insisted Ray Fisher’s Justice League Flash spout a kiddie-friendly “booyah” to line up with the Teen Titans Go! iteration of the character. I don’t know what these stories mean for the things that Johns continues to create — other than he seems to be a right shitty bastard and I want to scream at him, “Not everyone is as rich as you, asshole.” If anyone said they no longer felt compelled to read or think about Johns, I would not fault them. 

Could Have Definitely Been Better   

9. Cyberpunk 2077: You Have My Word #1. Writer: Bartosz Sztybor, Artist: Jesús Hervás, Colorist: Giulia Brusco, Letterer: Frank Cvetkovic, Publisher: Dark Horse

Remember Cyberpunk 2077 and how it was a disaster? Months later, publisher CD Projekt is still tinkering with the game, basically under the theory that it’s too big to fail. That’s some high-grade clueless capitalist nonsense that carries right on over to the comics industry as Dark Horse works on its second (or third?) Cyberpunk series. You Have My Word opens with what might as well be a player-character’s story in the game’s world of gangs, heists and future crimes, and while that’s not necessarily bad (and, admittedly, the conclusion hints at a drastic shift to a new perspective), the last mini, Trauma Team, did a better job of exploring a side of the game hidden from players.  

8. Marjorie Finnegan: Temporal Criminal #1. Writer: Garth Ennis, Artist: Goran Sudžuka, Colorist: Miroslav Mrva, Publisher: AWA (Available May 5)

Garth Ennis tends to be an acquired taste, like learning how to enjoy cheap bourbon cut with tiny slivers from the rustiest razor blades. This book — a romp through time full of crime and mayhem and Ennis’ signature fuckin’ swears — seems like it’s only 85% of the author’s worst proclivities, which makes it 65% more readable. I do seriously enjoy the shotgun murder of ancient Egyptians who dare stand in our titular anti-hero’s way; history will surely note their sacrifice and call them pre-Redditors.

The X Non-Comics Thoughts of the Week

  1. President Joe Biden’s decision to end the war in Afghanistan — if it truly comes to pass — is an inevitable statement of defeat. I’m not a hawk, and I’m not a fan of forever wars, but the United States invaded the country 20 years ago with two goals — the destruction of both Al-Qaeda and the Taliban — and neither has been accomplished. I suppose at the point the U.S. recognized those objectives could not be achieved (whenever it was and for whatever reasons), it was time to end the mission then, and yet we shambled on. The meek shell of democracy established at the business end of American guns will fall. A brutal theocracy will rise. And this country will always have to answer for two decades of aimless bloodshed. At least Osama bin Laden is dead.
  2. I was surprised to see the official announcement that the Capitol Police officer who shot and killed rioter Ashli Babbitt won’t be charged in connection with her death because of course he shouldn’t be charged. Yes, ACAB (more on that in a moment), but if there is any moment for lethal force, it should be when the House of Representatives is about to fall. I’m sure the officer didn’t relish what he did that day, and yet it had to be done.
  3. That doesn’t mean we aren’t long overdue for a complete restructuring and reimagining of what the police do in this country. Or, in short, #defundthepolice — because the system as it stands is either overtly racist, inherently racist or simply not fit to do the myriad jobs we ask it to do, and the shooting death of Daunte Wright demonstrates how American policing simply cannot be uncoupled from those three self-evident problems. Pulled over in what his family argues was a pretextual traffic stop, Wright died because an officer — and this is evaluating what happened in the best possible light to her — mistook her gun for her Taser and shot him dead. If the death was indeed accidental, it represents both the fourth killing as a result of a law enforcement officer confusing a lethal firearm for a less-lethal stun gun and the 16th incident of such a weapons mixup since 2001. What people are we hiring to do some of the most important jobs in our communities? How are we training them? Why are we outfitting them with enough equipment to walk into a warzone? These are all questions that need addressing now. And just to emphasize the point that we do not have a handle on staffing or training, here’s a local story from my backwoods bungalow on how a sheriff’s deputy had an on-the-job panic attack and convinced herself she had received an accidental opioid overdose via touching some evidence. (For the record, it’s apparently a widespread law enforcement belief that these accidental transdermal exposures can happen even though science says they cannot.)      
  4. Liz Cheney says she won’t vote for Donald Trump if he runs in 2024. Matt Gaetz went to Wyoming to campaign against Cheney after she voted to impeach Trump for his role in the Capitol riot. Trump refused to grant Gaetz a blanket pardon before he left office. Don’t you love it when the worst people in the world are all fighting each other? Also, Gaetz is lousy at criming and terrible, it seems, at getting people to have sex with him for free.  
  5. The decision to “pause” the administration of the Johnson & Johnson coronavirus vaccine in light of a rare complication that could result in fatal blood clots is precisely how the system should work. But we should be careful in how we report the seriousness of this development — eight cases in more than 6 million administered doses suggests the vaccine is still safe and viable even as we take a public health minute to figure out how to best move forward. What might be a more serious long-term problem, however, is the perception of both the J&J and AstraZeneca vaccines in areas of the world that do not have access to the Pfizer and Moderna shots. We should continue to embrace all of these vaccines, especially the ones the United States has been unable to hoard. We’ll need the whole world to get out of this hell.
  6. The first night of Wrestlemania was a nose better than the second, with a card that felt more energetic and a main event boasting a happier finish. But it wasn’t perfect or even all that stellar; the WWE Championship match was a flat start to the show (Vince, you haven’t gotten over the “passing out in a submission hold” as a valiant move for a babyface since Stone Cold at ’Mania 13), and booking the New Day to play heels and stooge for OH MY GOD HE’S SO TALL Omos was grating. If it was my fed, I would have had Bad Bunny do less in his match (Why are we so eager to show off how easy it is for any fan to become a wrestler?) but still had him go over. And the next time a halfway athletic celebrity wants to come in, have Dolph Ziggler train them in ragdoll bumping for a few months. (But be sure to have someone else teach promos.)    
  7. Night two was a relative snoozer punctuated by yet another fantastic Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn match. I swear, they can run that match as many times as they want, and I’ll still watch it. The Nigerian Drum Fight didn’t have enough time or bells ’n’ whistles to go full racist, so I guess that’s a win. And in the main event, once again, Roman Reigns is kept strong as hell, and if there’s a plan for him to eventually drop the title in a big, meaningful match (say, for example, to the Rock), I’m all for keeping it on him. But I doubt they’ve actually put that much planning into what they’re doing, and they’ll keep the strap on him until it’s too late to make a meaningful difference in the career of Cesaro or some other babyface on the rise.
  8. Chris Jericho may be a Trump-loving dipshit, but he has a better sense of what makes for good storytelling in wrestling than the Young Bucks or anyone else currently calling the shots for AEW. While he strayed dangerously close to 12-step program parody in his first promo back and in explaining his new relationship with Mike Tyson, it was good that he laid out the differences in the new Inner Circle as compared to the old heel version. Major character changes should make sense, and they shouldn’t feel arbitrary — which is exactly how the new Bucks come off. Yes, in the tag match against Kenny Omega, they “chose friendship,” but that doesn’t mean they should have come out this week arm in arm with Don Callis — that should have been something that developed over the course of weeks as Omega got them to “trust the process” or some such other nonsense coachspeak line. They also should have slowly begun to act more heelish rather than the kicking-puppies and laughing-at-orphans bit they did this week. Disappointing.
  9. A quick movie update: Promising Young Woman was a fine film … but one that probably wouldn’t have many (if any) Oscar nominations in a non-pandemic year. The convoluted final act brought it down a notch or two. I expect Nobody to be full of stupid nonsense when I catch it on demand this weekend. Can’t wait.         
  10. The New York Yankees are hitting .231 as a team. They lead the American League in hitting into double plays. And they’re already four games back. Baseball is stupid.          

Not Many Complaints, I Tell Ya

7. Batman: The Detective #1. Writer: Tom Taylor, Artist: Andy Kubert, Colorist: Brad Anderson, Letterer: Clem Robins, Publisher: DC

America: We do a lot wrong, but getting rid of the monarchy was neat. And yet in Batman: The Detective, our man Bats gets called out to London to solve the mystery of a plane crash. For a Tom Taylor Bat book, it’s surprisingly ponderous, but I suppose not everything can have the frenetic pace of an Injustice or a DCeased. It’s so quaint it even brings back the old school “My spleen has ruptured, but I continue to fight through the pain as my blood fills with toxins” internal monologues. For now, it’s a qualified endorsement.

6. Phantom on the Scan #1. Writer: Cullen Bunn, Artist: Mark Torres, Letterer: Dave Sharpe, Publisher: AfterShock

The art of Phantom on the Scan is clearly the star; Mark Torres renders a world of nightmares and terrors in darkness and smoke while also managing to give the series’ lead apparition a feeling of concreteness by using fingerprints in its composition. (Along with Maniac of New York #3, it’s the second issue this week that uses that neat lil’ trick.) The lifeless dot eyes are frankly terrifying.

X Spotlight: Things on ComicsXF You Should Read

Almost the Best

5. The Batman & Scooby-Doo! Mysteries Ch. 1/2. Writer: Ivan Cohen, Artist: Dario Brizuela, Colorist: Franco Riesco, Letterer: Saida Temofonte, Publisher: DC

I said this in my Bat Chat review with Brother Matt, but I’ll reiterate it here: The Batman & Scooby-Doo! Mysteries is a goddamned delight. Funny and clever and bright in all the right places, it was a pleasure to read, and I *cannot* wait to fire up the ol’ iPad to get the next chapter Saturday. And for anyone who can’t get into this book, let me give you a little tip: The key is not to take anything at all seriously ever.

4. The Silver Coin #1. Writer: Chip Zdarsky, Artist, colorist and letterer: Michael Walsh, Publisher: Image

Ca-caw! From henceforth, it is X Spot policy to slot all non-assy anthology series no lower than top five because anthologies are awesome, and we need more of them. Ca-caw! Even if the X Spot wasn’t in the tank for Big Anthology, The Silver Coin #1 would be ranked up here on the merits: Big Daddy Z writes up a story in the best traditions of Tales from the Crypt/Tales from the Darkside (not necessarily Twilight Zone because it’s more dark than ironic), and Michael Walsh’s vision comes together nicely. What a treat. 

3. Chariot #2. Writer: Bryan Edward Hill, Artist: Priscilla Petraites, Colorist: Marco Lesko, Letterer: AndWorld Design, Publisher: AWA 

Just when you think — after reading #1 — that Bryan Edward Hill has given you a Knight Rider/talking car book, he switches it up on you to something deeper, more complicated, more profoundly weird: a mind trapped in a car looking for a body with some sweet kicks and a vengeful sister on the attack. And if that wasn’t enough, the second issue also has one great action sequence.

2. The Joker #2. Writer: James Tynion IV, Artist: Guillem March, Colorist: Arif Prianto, Letterer: Tom Napolitano, Publisher: DC

Jim Gordon: Manhunter continues to be the best book in the DC line even as its insufferable backup makes me question the wisdom of anyone who thinks these two stories belong together in the same book. (Seriously, move that Punchline junk to Batman to hang out with the rest of the rabble.) Again, as Brother Matt and I discuss in Bat Chat, this series acknowledges and embraces Gordon’s history without getting stuck in some continuity garfunkle. And Tynion manages to do it without introducing a million new shallow characters. WEIRD.  

The Top X List: The Best Comic Book Movies I Have Personally Seen

Programming note: This week’s Discord quotes were stolen from a secure facility at Ohio’s Wright-Patterson Air Force Base. We are investigating the theft.

Movies I have seen that I would never consider ranking under any circumstances: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, The Lego Batman Movie, Dark Knight Rises

Honorable mentions: The Punisher, Logan, X-Men: First Class, Batman Begins, Captain America: Civil War, Captain America: Winter Soldier

10. Deadpool. Beats out the Cap movies on account of general MCU exhaustion. (But Winter Soldier probably belongs here or higher.)

9. Darkman. More comic book than Men in Black, Cowboys & Aliens or any other property that just happened to have some genesis in the funny pages.

8. X2. Nightcrawler forever.

7. Batman. It’s not the easiest watch these days, but Jack Nicholson’s Joker will always be iconic.

6. Captain Marvel. Makes the list because of the different vibe. 

5. Avengers: Infinity War/Endgame. A marathon properly considered together. Points for ambition. Demerits for insisting on the squabbling and comedy bits that run throughout the MCU.

4. Wonder Woman. No Man’s Land stands out as one of the best, most exhilarating moments in comic books on film.

3. Spider-Man. It started the modern era, and it’s got to get credit for that.

2. Superman. Like Spider-Man, it deserves recognition for laying the groundwork for everything that followed. Christopher Reeve was a master at what he did.

1. The Dark Knight. Superior filmmaking, acting and storytelling that stands apart from both the films in its trilogy and the other movies in the field.

Interested in signing up for the ComicsXF Patreon? You know what to do. 

Finally, the Big Hoss of the Week

1. Project: Patron #1. Writer: Steve Orlando, Artist: Patrick Piazzalunga, Colorist: Carlos Lopez, Letterer: Thomas Mauer, Publisher: AfterShock

What if Superman — after biting it in his fight against Doomsday — didn’t return from the dead, but instead was replaced by a secret ops team piloting an avatar? “But, Will,” you might say, “why are you reading the simulacra? Read the real licensed stories.” And I would say, “Shut the fuck up, parent. You can’t stop me from slurping this sweet chili sauce raw.” It’s a fascinating concept with layers: What will the world think if the deception is discovered? How will the team handle a change in its status quo in issue #2? Heckuva thing.   

NeXt Time on the X Spot

The Stringer, Radiant Black #3, Superman: Red & Blue #2 and seven more … because it’s pronounced “ten.”

Will Nevin

Will Nevin loves bourbon and AP style and gets paid to teach one of those things. He is on Twitter far too often.

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