We're Still Just Talking About Snakes in The Union #4

Time to move into the endgame as we read the penultimate issue of The Union by Paul Grist, Andrea Di Vito, Le Beau Underwood, Nolan Woodard, and Travis Lanham.

Liz Large: Well, we’re back, after a month spent pining for Snakes. How are you holding up?

Nola Pfau: I’m very glad that The Union is back. Surely this will be the issue that focuses on our beloved hero, right? I mean, who else could it possibly be about?

Time for a Flashback

LL: Our issue starts 30 years in the past, as part of the necessary “Britain’s greatest hero, surely you’ve heard of her” exposition.

NP: I feel like this kind of trick works better in an indie comic, you know? Like it’s a much better bit of tongue-in-cheek when you’re not writing on top of 80 years of continuous continuity. “Surely you’ve heard of her,” yeah, like we heard of the other 998 issues between Marvel Comics #s 1 and 1000.

LL: Good point. I appreciate the effort in what Grist is trying to do here—after all, writing a story about national heroes when the moderately-popular heroes with decades of stories aren’t available has to be rough. But it just lands a little flat.

NP: Flat on the ground. Like a snake. Who this issue is not about. It’s interesting to me that Britannia is once again the focal point here despite having died in the first issue. It’s also interesting to me how much she resembles Betsy Braddock; draped in the flag, sword and shield, the whole nine yards. Er. Metres. Whatever they do over there.

LL: It definitely stands out from everyone else in the book—Snakes and Kelpie and Choir all have more subtle looks, and the villains we see all look relatively normal as well. Superhero normal, I mean. There’s something a little trying too hard about Britannia, which is fitting. The British empire is gross, and using aesthetics to distract from that is kind of their whole deal.

NP: I see too why this was originally billed as part of Empyre, because it’s a very Grist move to kill off the incarnation of the British Empire in the first issue of a mini tied into an event by that name. I suppose King in Black is a decent enough stand-in, but the joke isn’t quite as good.

LL: Sorry, I need to sit here for a moment now that you’ve pointed out Empyre/Empire to me. What do we think about Sponge refusing to kill Britannia when he had the chance? It kind of reminded me of the scene in Civil War where the Punisher refuses to fight Captain America. Event Comics: All The Same?

NP: Liz, how many event comics have snake balloons?

99 Snake Balloons

LL: SNAKE BALLOONS.

NP: SNAKE BALLOONS! I love that Snakes’ balloon here isn’t like…an actual snake, it’s just their exact, nondescript costume, but in kinda chibi proportions? It could be anyone. Oh yeah, I guess we should fill in the readers? There are balloons of the Union members. I don’t see an actual parade on panel, but it looks like Steve Darwin is doing some kind of big press thing for the team; once again I’m given a lot of Justice League International vibes. Boy, I’m sure glad the Union doesn’t have any actual villains bankrolling their team, that would be embarrassing!

LL: Also kind of embarrassing? They clearly preordered these balloons, because the deceased Britannia and the missing Choir are both included, but there’s no balloon of Bulldog. It’s kind of grim to have an adorable floating effigy of a woman the whole country saw murdered!

NP: Yeah, it kind of reminds me of that Bake Off contestant they made a meme out of? “Started making it, had a breakdown, bon appetit.” The entire project has been a disaster from the start, and I’m amazed that they went through with this whole press blitz for a team that lost a member on day one. Seems like a bad idea!

LL: This team is such a desperate grasp at propaganda that you would assume it wouldn’t be working— surely the press or the public would complain? But they’ve got the full buy in from the media, in no small part thanks to Darwin’s charm offensive.

NP: What a stand-up guy, that Steve Darwin. I sure am glad he’s got the team’s back.

LL: So kind. He really believes in them, setting up this whole party/festival/parade, all out of the goodness of his heart.

A Betrayal!

NP: Goddamnit. No really, I mean the guy’s been a slimeball from the start, he rolled up in the first issue going on about selfies, he just oozes whatever it is that identifies a person as terrible. Sidenote: Kelpie, Not Selfies t-shirts to promote the Union. Call me, Steve Darwin.

LL: Love it. There’s so many great branding opportunities here! Consider: a Snakes toy that’s full of tiny snakes. Lots of tiny pieces to lose, but totally worth it.

NP: Toy snakes, or live ones?

LL: I was thinking toys, but I can be persuaded.

NP: Anyway, Steve Darwin betrays the team, and a group of supervillains under Doc Croc attacks! Is it just me or do some of these folks feel kinda Technet-y?

LL: Lady Shimmering Lights definitely has that vibe. They all seem pretty cool, and I’m very glad Choir is back to being called Skreem. It’s the best name for someone with yelling powers!

NP: Yeah, Lady Shimmering Lights especially reminds me of the unfortunately-named China Doll. The entire team isn’t quite as boisterous and funny as Technet, but they do have an attack corgi, which was pretty good, and Doc Croc’s trick for dealing with Snakes kind of felt that way to me too, the immobilizing bands? It felt very Claremont, even if I’m a little disappointed that all of Snakes’ snakes didn’t just slither out and start biting Doc Croc.

LL: God, imagine? He lifts up Snakes and then a million tiny snakes fall out like a terrifying piñata. It would be great. Also great is Darwin’s intuition: he assumes the villains will head straight for the Keep, where all the treasure is kept, and manipulates poor Union Jack into going there alone with him. In a non-shocking heel turn, UJ is in quite a pickle, and Darwin’s going to help himself.

NP: And then he wants people to call him Emperor. I have a feeling this was also going to be a great joke when this book was originally supposed to come out. Oh well…

LL: So the end goal of all this—for both Darwin and Doc Croc— was to steal the Empire Stone, an item created by dark wizard John Dee that deserves credit for England’s domination of the world. Gotta say, I don’t love this. I’m not a fan of blaming actual historical events on fictional magic/evil sources. I guess we’ll have to wait till next issue to see what happens. I’m definitely open to a turnaround!

NP: There’s still time for Snakes to save the day and get an ongoing solo series!