It’s a reunion with old friends in Hellions #13, from Zeb Wells, Rogê Antônio, Rain Beredo, and Ariana Maher.
Liz Large: The Gala is over, and that means it’s time for our heroes to catch up with friends new and old.
Austin Gorton: And friends that are…the same person as some of those friends…look, cloning is weird, but I’m sure it won’t in any way come back to bite a certain sartorial fiend, now will it? And it certainly won’t lead to even bigger problems for our team of lovable misfits, right?
Liz: Literally nothing has ever gone wrong for the Hellions, ever, so I’m sure this will be fine!
“Mew mew”
Austin: Before diving into all the totally fine happenings on Krakoa, Hellions #13 opens by checking in with the Right in the wake of the Hellions’ raid/robot baby-napping in issue #8. A persnickety scientist named Doctor Murch is irritated to learn both that the mutants have destroyed their army of robots and that said army managed to birth a mutant robot before being wiped out. This prompts him to call in ZETA Team, a group of soldiers with green faces and the patented Right “Smiley robot” smile tattooed on their faces. What did you make of these guys right off the bat?
Liz: I’ll admit, I did some double-checking to make sure they hadn’t popped up before. They seem like a typical group of action villains — the scientists hype them up as terrifying, and they stride onto the page with weaponry and some face paint that mimics the robots’ design. Aesthetically, I buy them as a group of people who could beat up Alex Summers. How do you think they’ll fare in their mission?
Austin: Unfortunately for them, whenever they come after the Hellions, they’re likely to face more than just Alex Summers, including a supremely pissed off and hyper-protective Nanny, who is now bottle feeding (robot milk? Oil?) the mutant robot baby and trying to teach it the difference between “mommy” and “nanny”. The juxtaposition of those two scenes back-to-back is likely meant to be ominous, but I was just entirely too distracted by the excessive cuteness of it all to get too worried.
Liz: It really is adorable. Nanny is hiding her mutant robot baby inside her spider ship, and it should be horrifying! But I’m rooting for this kid to turn out okay. The baby is even learning to talk! Sure, he can only say “mew mew”, but he’s getting there! I’m hoping that this is the baby’s sweet way of calling Nanny mom and not some sort of robotic battle cry or summons. Speaking of parenting, I feel like John has gotten into the “team dad” role even more in Hellions #13. He’s always been responsible but now seems to be taking on more of a mentor role. How do you think the team is doing this week?
Austin: Oh god, I never considered that “mew mew” was anything other than an adorable utterance. The way this book goes, that’s probably the signal for its big, mean, mom robot to come and stomp Nanny. Right now, though, the team is not doing too well regardless. Greycrow has settled into a nice mentor role (more on that in a bit). Also, he and mom are fighting again as Kwannon does her best to ice John out after she manipulated the hell out of everyone’s minds on Sinister’s orders in issue #11. It’s a tough beat for our guy. He goes from picking on Empath (as one should) with Wild Child to being shot down by Kwannon in a matter of moments. It’s still not as rough as the talking-to Orphan Maker gets from Nanny.
Liz: Oof. She’s really in a bind here, and I admire her reluctance to get closer to John under false pretenses. Kwannon feels so much guilt about manipulating the team, but hurting John to keep him away won’t solve the problem! Every attempt she makes seems to draw him closer. I don’t think this is sustainable.
On the other hand, Nanny doesn’t have such noble reasons for hurting her teammate. She’s well on her way to replacing her first child with the second, and Orphan-Maker is not taking it well. I’m starting to think that Nanny may not be the perfect parent I had hoped.
Austin: She came back MORE Nanny, and the more is, apparently more of a jerk! As the parent of a six-year-old who desperately wants to help take care of his baby brother more than he’s able, this scene hit a little too close to home.
You feel for poor Peter the Orphan Maker here, as Nanny essentially chases him off her ship after reading him the riot act for simply picking up his new baby “brother”. It does lead to quite possibly the best scene of Hellions #13. Tapping further into his dad vibes, John has a little heart-to-heart with Orphan Maker over cleaning their “murder things” (as Alex dubs them). Their discussion of fathers gave me big dad feels. Peter thinks it’d be nice to have one, and John, who suffered at the hands of his own, isn’t so sure. The conversation is sad, touching, and crushing all at once.
Can I Make a Daddy Joke About Sinister, or will I Be Cancelled?
Liz: We’ve got another powerful family dynamic at play here, and that’s between Mister Sinister and Mister Sinister. Misters Sinister? Let’s go with Main Sinister and Arakko Sinister. This reunion has been a long time coming since Arakko Sinister was assumed dead in Hellions. We saw him murdered by Locus Vile, but he appeared at the end of the last issue with nothing but some scars to show for it. Typical mutant behavior! This is the problem with sending a clone of yourself to do your least favorite chores! Sometimes they end up getting captured and tortured and come back really mad at you.
Austin: It is the return of the Chekhov’s Sinister! As the finale to the Hellions’ (mis)adventure in Arakko seemed to have too many loose ends for Main Sinister to get away with cleanly, it was only a question of which end would ultimately blow the whole thing open.
Main Sinister being Main Sinister, of course, he quickly calls the Hellions to his aid. To their credit, they respond rather quickly, just as Main Sinister and Arakko Sinister are arguing over what is worse: months of unending torture or losing their cape to Jamie Braddock. Were you at all surprised that Main Sinister called for his Hellions so quickly, given how exposed Arakko Sinister leaves him, or is this just a case of Main Sinister thinking he can, as always, BS his way through anything?
Liz: Oh, he assumed he could talk his way out of this. Let’s be honest: he’s been manipulating the team on the regular, and none of them are going to pick up on it. In their defense, they’re getting killed and resurrected frequently, and Sinister is a bizarre guy at baseline, so I can see them having trouble getting a read on him. Even if they suspect anything, he’s already shown he can coerce Kwannon into changing their memories. As long as one of them doesn’t book it to the nearest telepath immediately, he’s probably in the clear. Actually, what did you think of the data page we got from Prodigy?
Austin: Couple notes: first, it was a real gut punch to be reminded of X-Factor and their role within Krakoan society so soon after the untimely cancellation of their series. Secondly, I like the idea that Sinister doesn’t have everything buttoned up quite as tight as he thinks he does. Some people have noticed the discrepancies in his “official” story. It feels important that this comes right before the reveal of Arakko Sinister as it demonstrates how things might have fallen apart even without the return of his errant clone. How about you?
Liz: Absolutely. I know I’ve spent a decent portion of these reviews complaining about the bonkers’ decision to put Sinister in charge, but I may have to eat my words if the Council is more aware of things than they seem. Emma pushing the requests to scan Sinister to the back of the line is ambiguous in a way I like. Is she keeping him around for pragmatic or nefarious reasons? Perhaps the Council plotting to remove him as soon as they can justify it? I hope we see more of this thread. And of the X-Factor team, especially Prodigy.
Rematch
Austin: Hey, so, it turns out that the Sinister clone isn’t the only thing to come back from Arakko. Just as the assembled (and rightly puzzled) Hellions assemble in the (theoretical) defense of their leader, Arakko Sinister. He reveals he didn’t escape but rather has come to Krakoa in service of his master, Tarn, along with Tarn’s children, the Locus Vile. When they first showed up, we speculated we’d be seeing more of them, and clearly, we are Sinister-level geniuses because here they are again! Were you happy to see Arakko’s weird next-level X-Men once more?
Liz: The Locus Vile are back as we prophesied. The team has such cool designs and power sets. I’m excited to see them with the added benefit of their very own Sinister. Arakko Sinister working for Tarn was an unexpected twist. I’m even more concerned for the Hellions than during their last fight. You know, the one where half of them were killed. Those deaths could add a lot to this fight. As you said earlier, Nanny is more Nanny. Do you see the Hellions who died in Arakko bringing anything special to this fight?
Austin: It feels like all the “they came back more” business was leading up to this, or something that will soon spin out of this. As much as the Hellions appear to be in a tight spot, they have two things on their side this time which they didn’t before: home-field advantage and that little bit of Amenth that came back in Wild Child, Nanny and Orphan Maker when they were resurrected. That said, the Hellions took their lumps in their last confrontation with the Locus Vile to the point where anyone surviving the ensuing fight would count it as a resounding improvement.
Liz: If no members of the team get eaten, we can call it a win. At least this time, they’re conveniently located— they won’t need to worry about getting resurrected differently when they die. At least one of them will be dying, at a minimum. I predict Empath.
Austin: Fingers crossed!
X-Traneous Thoughts
- Krakoan reads: A VILE FATE
- Are we mad at Alex for ignoring the team at the Gala? I think we should be.
- That said, him apologizing for his previously-eaten eaten hands being “small, bitter things” was priceless.
- There appears to be some kind of time jump between the end of the gala and the issues coming out immediately after it. Amongst other things, it’s said Mastermind has been working on Sinister’s clones (using the material he purloined from Arcade) for over a month. Yet, at the same time, John, Wild Child, and Empath’s reactions to Alex set the issue roughly the morning after the Gala. Relative time in comics: best not to think about it too hard.
- Sinister, please don’t ask Mastermind questions about his loins again.
- Love Sinister pulling the “sorry, going through a tunnel” move while hanging up on Mastermind.
- This issue changed the art team from the usual Segovia/Curiel combo. It didn’t quite live up to what we’ve seen before. The faces in particular (usually a crucial part of this book’s storytelling) just weren’t up to the standard set by the earlier issues.
Liz Large is a copywriter with a lot of opinions on mutants.
Austin Gorton also reviews older issues of X-Men at the Real Gentlemen of Leisure website, co-hosts the A Very Special episode podcast, and likes Star Wars. He lives outside Minneapolis, where sometimes, it is not cold. Follow him on Twitter @AustinGorton
